A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I’ve spent the past 2 nights with a lad I only met last week. I don’t even want to be in a relationship with him but he was really nice to me after I got fat-shamed by a tinder date in a bar, so to be completely frank I’ve thrown myself at him. Am I just easy?I’d been chatting with this guy on Tinder for a few weeks and we agreed to meet up for a drink last week. As fit as he was, he turned out to be an arrogant p****. It was the first time we’d met in person and he immediately told me I looked nothing like I did in my Tinder photos and that I was ‘too fat’ for him. I’m not gonna lie I am on the larger side but he must’ve needed glasses if he couldn’t work that out from my Tinder profile. He left straightaway and I sent him some not very nice messages afterwards before he proceeded to send me pictures of skinnier, ‘model standard’ girls that he’d apparently been with and that I should aspire to look like. The whole thing left me really upset and as much as I tried, I couldn’t stop myself bursting into tears.This other lad was in the bar as well and came over to check I was OK and we got talking. Like I said he was really nice and ended up walking me home as I don’t like walking alone at night as it is. I thought he’d just want to try his luck when we got to my front door but in actual fact he was a complete gentleman and didn’t, though he did ask for my number. We messaged for a few days and as nice as he was, I wasn’t really feeling and kind of attraction towards him. However on Monday I had a really stressful day at work and decided to vent my frustrations to him. He then invited me round to his for a takeaway and some beers which sounded like heaven at the time so I accepted the offer. Aaaand I ended up staying the night. I wasn’t even drunk, I’d only managed about 2 cans but he ended up trying it on and I didn’t say no. As much as I regretted sleeping with him and having to do the walk of shame the following morning, I did have a laugh.That’s probably why when he made pretty much the same offer of a takeaway and a few cans at his again yesterday I didn’t say no, but this time I swore down I wouldn’t sleep with him again, adamant we should just be friends. The end result? I was the one who ended up making a pass at him and we had sex again. Again I wasn’t drunk. Again I stayed over. Again I was full of regret the following morning. Don’t get me wrong the sex was good and we used condoms so I’ve got no worries on that front. But like I said I don’t even find him that attractive. He’s really boyish and skinny and not my type at all. But I’ve slept with him twice. He obviously is interested in me and like a complete idiot I’ve undoubtedly given him the wrong signals, but how can I let him down gently without him thinking I’m a user or just a cheap slag?It’s made me realise as well that every lad I’ve been with I’ve jumped into bed with after barely getting to know them. If that guy I met on Tinder had actually been nice and ended up trying it on with me I definitely wouldn’t have said no because I fancied him like mad. Am I just being too easy?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2021): Get over slut shaming yourself. You have a safe FWB. Enjoy!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2021): What I meant to say:
"You should be appreciated for how nature made you; and you don't need to use others as a template or blueprint to show you what you ought to look like."
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2021): Tinder is where you go to be psychologically assaulted and emotionally slain! It's a dating app geared more towards those looking for hookups, or leaning more on the superficial side. If you think you're hot, you want to find someone hot. If you're better than average, you'll look for someone within your range; and if you're not so hot...you'll end-up getting trashed by some knuckleheaded gym-rat who has never opened a book, or has a single-digit IQ. All that swagger and bravado, and he probably had a tiny wiener! Too scared to date a healthy-girl, because she'll make his pinky-sized peepee look smaller!
He was definitely a tool, but Tinder is where many of them congregate. It's not an app for the thin-skinned or supersensitive. If you put-up pics of yourself, people are expecting you to look like those pics, or better. If they're dated-photos, photoshopped, taken when you were several pounds/stones lighter, or if you borrowed them from someone else; you shouldn't be surprised if someone behaves like he did. You're not dealing with the nicest of people. It's not an app popular for seeking love. It's strictly for casual-dating and hookups; and you could, by some unforeseen miracle, find a match! Don't set your heart on it.
When you hookup with somebody once; you can write it off as a mistake, or a one-night stand. If you do it again, it's deliberate; and you may as well own it!
Well, we can't say he's the spawn of Jack the Ripper; or a serial-killer. You were able to type a post, meaning you still have your limbs; and you could compose what you wanted to say. That means your head is still attached. It was risky being by yourself, and walking home with a stranger you just met in a bar. He now knows where you live!
Nah, sweetie! You're not easy or some slag. If you were, you'd wouldn't care. You were verbally-attacked by a numbskull, and someone came to your rescue. You're both forming a symbiotic-connection. He rescued your honor and dignity, in hopes it would gain some goody-points with you; and you're getting your self-esteem re-inflated, after some guy stuck a pin in it.
You're using him for an ego-booster and an emotional-band-aid. You shouldn't use sex like doggy treats. Guys may get the wrong impression.
If I were in your shoes, I would clearly explain you're not being yourself; and that you do appreciate that he came to your rescue. If nothing is going to come of this, now is the time to tell him so. This will set things straight; while your reputation remains in-tact. Otherwise, he could feel he's been led-on; which will cause serious complications, if you drag this on too long. He's a guy, he won't cry if you turn him down; but he won't like it if you're toying with his feelings.
Unsubscribe from Tinder, maybe it's not the app for you. If you want to be respected and treated well, you have to allow men to get to know you before they know what's under your clothes. They have to like you for who you are, and not just your appearance. You should be appreciated for how nature made you; and you don't need others to as a template or blueprint to show you what you ought to look like. Well, he has seen you naked, and it didn't seem to bother him. That doesn't mean he has any feelings for you. If you're not into him, end it now!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2021): I understand you lack confidence and self esteem and this is your way of feeling better but these guys are just using you. You would be better off working on a sex chat / texting service and being paid to chat to men like that. Or, if you really want to earn big bucks work for an agency as a pro and get paid properly to do the exact same thing. That would boost your ego even more. Nothing great about being used, especially by strangers who just see it as an alternative to spending money.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (21 October 2021):
 Are you just Easy?
Well, yes. It seems so. If you think having sex with a lad who YOU deem "hot" ) or even one you deem NOT "hot") you are a bit on the easy side. All it took for you to drop your knickers were some kind words? From a guy, you didn't even find attractive? Yea, that was definitely easy for him.
Does it make you a "cheap slag"? No.
You are SO desperate for attention, affection, and kind words that you WILLINGLY meet up with RANDOM strangers you have met on Tinder. I know that many in your generation do this, and I think MANY in your generation (especially young women) end up feeling used more often than feeling fulfilled.
The guy who said some kind words to you, might NOT be a bad kind of guy but in my book, he took full advantage of your predicament and your embarrassment and self-loathing at the moment.
I think you ought to remove Tinder from your phone. And I think you need to be honest with the guy you slept with (and I'd do that over text) that you don't want to string him along but you are not seeing "this" going anywhere. And then you block him.
You need to work on your self-respect, your self-LOVE, and your sense of self-preservation. You NEED to be more selective. You need to respect yourself more than jumping into bed with strangers who DO NOT care about you. They just want to USE your vagina for a few hours.
While I think a guy (the one from Tinder) is a disgusting creep and I hope his dick falls off - he actually did you a favor. He showed YOU just how shallow some people are - including you. A guy being hot and in shape doesn't mean he is a GOOD guy, a GOOD lover, a GOOD person, or even a GOOD match for you.
The thing with all these hook-up apps is that people who would NEVER have met (because they have nothing in common except sharing human DNA) are now meeting up. This means people from the deepest pit of Hades can walk among decent people and have sex with random strangers.
How many of the guy from Tinder that you DID end up having sex with was probably TOTAL ASSHATS? Who just uses desperate girls for sex? probably a LOT more than you think. Some "settled" for you and one who didn't. He also thought he was "entitled" to a "perfect package" from anyone he lets on his dick. What a douche!
In the end, ask yourself this. What are you looking for? Sex with a "hot" looking guy? If so, WHAT does that really do for you? Boost your ego for the night? Or does it make YOU settle for "dates" with creeps like the Tinder guy who verbally abused how you look?
OP, know that YOU are WORTH so much more than random hook-ups with promiscuous men. See yourself as MORE than a HOLE in the mattress.
Go get an STD/STI test. Because using a condom doesn't prevent ALL STD's. Some (like Herpes, HPV) are spread via skin-on-skin contact.
Time to LOVE yourself. Time to find some dignity and self-respect.
Don't be so desperate to rub your own ego through meaningless sex. In the end, it will do YOU absolutely no good. If you want a partner in life, LOOK elsewhere. TAKE the time to get to know them in person (BEFORE sex) -see if they are a good fit.
Having sex with a lot of dudes isn't "sexual liberation" - it's playing RIGHT into the lazy men's games, where they get sex for "free" without any REAL effort or investment.
Every action has a reaction and a consequence.
The more people YOU sleep with (who also sleep with a lot of people) the HIGHER the chance for UNCURABLE std's CAN be a consequence.
You won't LOVE yourself more, the more you rando sex you have. NOR will you be LOVED more. By anyone.
You sound like a sweet person, LOVE that person, cherish her and DO what is BEST for her.
Chin up, and LEARN from this.
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