A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:ok heres my question.ive had a bf for almost a year last week we were hanging out together went clubbing and i asked him how come he decided to come over to me the day we met?he told me that it was because he just had to have me and then he said that he was sort of using me to get over his ex he also said that around the 3rd month of us dating we had had a little fight and we hadnt seen each other in like a month and hed been thinking of going back to his ex who had still been bothering him and wanted him to come back.since we made up the relationship has been better then ever. but now i am feeling a bit hurt. to think he had just been using me. am i being to over the top here? i mean it was a while ago. but is he truly in love or will one day if we have a fight again just dissapear? i feel quite hurt and betrayed am i just being stupid?
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female
reader, Cielito  +, writes (22 January 2011):
 nobody should feel so insecure about ones partner, especially if you are open and loving each other.
have you talked about it since he told he used you in the beginning? ,maybe question what sort of person he is. is he someone that stays in the past to stay save or does he shed things easily. sometimes the past can be a haven for not engaging with the present and something that might scary for us, like connection to someone new, opening up. one question: is he scared? a year is a long time for a rebound relationship or for someone to use another and come back to them. it sounds like he is either very cold and is using you or can't deal with the reality that he has feelings for you, maybe even tried to hurt you with the information that he used you to get over his girlfriend. maybe its true in the beginning and since you have got back togehter something has changed.
there is never the fairy tale falling in love without difficulties, you have to ask yourself if these are the ones you want to put up with. has he broken your trust or your security. trust is hard to get back, a sense of sucurity is easier to find back. can you talk to him?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2011): It's possible it's true love but it sounds more like a re bound relationship to me.
If he was considering going back to his girlfriend and has even told you he used you to get over his ex (who he obviously still isn't over) i would think twice about this relationship.
Do you truly feel that if his ex wanted him back he'd turn her down? Nobody should be made to feel second best.
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