A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ok so this may sound pathetic, but it is a rather big deal, TO ME!I'm 18 and my girlfriend,(16) of 6 months are in a relationship where intimate touching and oral is involved, no penetrative sex, (yet). I recently found out that she lost her virginity at the age of 13 to a guy she wasn't even in a relationship with for more than a couple of weeks.This probably sounds silly on my part but she had always made the impression that she is a virgin, (which i am). I haven't yet talked properly to her about this issue, but I plan on doing so tomorrow, I just don't know how to go about it? And how should I feel or nothing at all? Am I just being silly or maybe just jealous, I'm not sure but this has hurt my feeling a bit :/
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her past, jealous, sex life Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2011):
Once upon a time you had male ancestors who didn't care about this stuff. The problem is that those ancestors reproduced less often than the ones who did care.
So now you care.
A
male
reader, Capri2  +, writes (21 February 2011):
Old same problem. And I've been there so I know what you talk about and I know what I'm telling you too.
If you are already bugged by this issue, chances are this will bug you more, as you get more involved both physically and emotionally with her. This is only normal, happens to a lot of people. And it's usually more common when you are a virgin. You are both jealous (because she was with other guys) and you have a moral conflict with her behaviour. You remarked the fact that she lost her virginity with a guy she wasn't emotionally involved with. And that's a moral remark. Which you have every right to do.
Now, this will be challenging for your relationship. When you tell her this is bugging you, she can feel you are being judgemental.
You need to understand two things:
1. You can't judge her for what she's done in the past.
2. You have the right to choose your girlfriend taking into account what she has done in the past.
So, you can tell her what bugs you. But try it doesn't sounds like you are telling her she's a wh*re. Even if you are gentle enough, she can still get mad at you because of this. But, you have to take the chance and in the end, if she really loves you she will understand you.
Nothing she can tell you will make you forget what bugs you about this. You have to ask her not to talk you about what she's done with her previous boyfriends.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2011): You have high morals. And I think it's awesome...
You first need to ask yourself, if its true she is not a virgin anymore...do you still want to be in a relationship with her? There's no right or wrong answer to that. It just depends on you. If you wouldn't, then be prepared to let her go depending on what she says. If you don't care, then there's no problem, other than she needs to be honest with you. Maybe she's embarrassed to admit that she isn't a virgin anymore. Maybe she regrets what happened and thought a good guy like you wouldnt want to be with her unless she was...still, that's her issue. She should have been honest.
You need to sit down and talk with her. Just be polite and nice. Tell her how great you think she is. Then tell you need to ask her something. Calmy explain what you heard, and from who, and tell her just to be honest with you, because you've been honest with her. Then decide what you want to do based on her responses.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI appreciate your answer, it's just that I feel as though once a relationship gets to any physical level then there is certain amount of commitment, once that relationship is over a commitment has been broken. This is what worries me.
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A
female
reader, schulz  +, writes (20 February 2011):
Well, I think only you know the answer to those questions. If you really care about this girl, and you believe that you can get past her sexual past, then don't even bring it up. It'll make her feel like you are judging her, and it will only damage your relationship. You just have to be honest to yourself.
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