A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Am I being paranoid?I have recently met a guy online and we have met a couple of times now, but I don't know if my current feelings are super paranoid or if I am looking at any red flags...This guy has been incredibly giving, thoughtful, kind... He is a good looking chap, has a great and similar outlook on life to me and just seems pretty wonderful. Now I don't know if I have just been conditioned in a way that stops me from accepting these lovely gestures for what they are... romantic gestures from a guy who wants to sweep me off my feet, or am I experiencing over-keenness and should I see this as a red flag?We have only met a couple of times and it seems to have been perfect from the word go. I have had a lovely note that ended with 'all my love' and I don't know there is just something blocking me in my mind that is saying this is all too good to be true...Am I experiencing something wonderful and is there such thing as love at first sight and I should just appreciate the fact that someone is trying to win me over and I should just enjoy it... or am I right to be paranoid because this is quite strong and these are behaviours that I should avoid in someone.I haven't been treated well in the past, so it really could just be me putting every barrier in the world up... But I just don't know. I guess there is no harm in just seeing what happens, however I am worried that if I have just met someone who is just doing their upmost to win me over, am I then going to drive them away with my paranoid thoughts and feelings... What do I do? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2019): There’s a ton of sleazy guys in the world of online dating. It sounds like you’ve found one of the nice ones. In my opinion, you should embrace his thoughtfulness and affection. He is doing it because he’s smitten for you and wants to make you feel good.
If he’s doing too much and making you feel overwhelmed, then maybe tell him to spread it out a little more? But only if you’re REALLY feeling overwhelmed.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (2 March 2019):
 Sometimes the old adage, "If it SEEMS too good to be true, it probably is" makes sense.
If you like this guy just take it SUPER slow. If you feel he is really OVERDOING the lovey dovey and romantic gesture, then maybe he isn't for you.
Personally? I find it fake if someone who BARELY knows you, being too over the top with romantic gestures.
And some guys (and gals) DO use the "love-bombing" as a way to get another person emotionally invested WAY to fast and thus ignoring RED FLAGS. So for you.. it's kind of a catch 22. You kind of like the sweet gestures but on the other hand it doesn't QUITE sit right with you.
SO IF you continue seeing him, GO SUPER slow and BE ok setting boundaries.
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A
female
reader, singinbluebird +, writes (2 March 2019):
 Yes you are but these are past baggage you are holding onto. Maybe seek therapy to get over these experiences and continue see guy, be open and allow your heart be open to receive love. He may be the right guy. If he's showing up, consistent, and treating you right , it might be real deal. But always always have your best interest at heart and live a full life, love yourself and respect yourself and this new guy will too. Good luck
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