A
female
age
51-59,
*onely in love
writes:I have been married to my husband for 4 years and we have been having problems for the last 3 of them. He has never really been a sensitive man and told me that he didnt know how to be that sensitive man I am looking for. But I know that he is capable of it because that is what drew me to him in the first place. We also had issues about him addictively playing World of Warcraft with his online buddies for hours and hours every day, neglecting home and me for the past 3 years.But the present issue is that he hooked up with his best female friend who I know and we would even hang out together with her in the beginning of our relationship. He called her on Saturday after we had a huge argument where he became belligerant with me. He yelled at me and called me bad names. Then we argued about his video game again and he told me that he would never stop playing it. He said that he didnt think it was fair that I asked him to stop and that he didnt feel that I can tell him what to do.Well he went over to her house to help her buy and fix up her sound system. Not only did he make the calls to find the equipment at a good deal for her, but went to her house on the bus in sub-zero weather, he picked up her truck and drove around to these different people picking up the equipment then took it back to her. He then said he talked to her about our situation and she told him the same thing I did. So he called me and told me to delete the game. I was so surprised after 3 years of telling me "I wont get rid of it just because you dont like it". Then when he got home we had the best sex that we've had in years. The very next day he caught the bus again to finish hooking up her system, and this time I went with him. I was taken back by how sweet and nice he had suddenly become when he was around her. He became attentive and saying a lot of loving things to me in front of her. But he also was doing everything she asked of him with no problem, whatever she asked he did and I felt so bad because it takes him weeks to do things around the house when I ask. Again that night we had incredible sex.Well yesterday while I was at work she came to pick him up and they went to get the last of the supplies to finish her sound system and in the process went shopping at the mall. Now he NEVER goes shopping with me and if he does he complains until we leave. But yesterday when he went with her he was having the time of his life, he told me about everything they looked at and they were there for hours. He then went back to her house and stayed there until I got off work. Last night I was really heartbroken about this when I realized that when he is with her he is the man I fell in love with but when he is with me he is insensitive and quite mean. I asked him about it and he said that he is sorry and understands why I feel so jealous and tried to reassure me that they never had a sexual relationship but that they have been friends for so long that she is like a big sister to him. What really is getting under my skin is how attentive and nice he is now that she is back in his life. She was married and they havent spoken since she got married. But her husband just left her and now they are best friends again. Am I just being jealous or do I really have something to worry about?
View related questions:
at work, best friend, fell in love, heartbroken, jealous, world of warcraft Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Lonely in love +, writes (12 February 2008):
Lonely in love is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you both for the responses. I just needed a view from someone not involved with the sittuation.Well we talked about it again and he said that the reason he is so close to her is that she is the cousin of his best friend that died years before we met and he says that his friend lived with her so they became good friends and after he died they stayed in touch. He says when he is around her it reminds him of his friend and thats why he is so nice to her. He apologized and said that he wont go over there without me from now on. But we are going to go to counseling because with all of his faults I love him very much and will just see what the counselor says.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2008): No, I think you do have something to worry about.....they are having what constitutes an emotional affair, non sexual, but there is a bond there none the less, and the fact that he is helping her so much and she is vulnerable after having her husband leave her recently is a slippery slope....the fact that they are not hiding it in front of you is a good thing, however, and perhaps it will die on it's own. It sounds to me that your husband may have been feeling insecure about himself and his attractiveness, and this woman somehow reignited his self confidence with her attention and acceptance, after all he doesn't have to answer to her as he does to you in a committed relationship which can sometimes be hard to be yourself in at times.
I think you may want to suggest soem marital counseling to your husband, it seems that there is something that he has been resenting about you or something I am not sure what is going on here, but I do understand how you feel threatened by his sudden change in behavior when she is the catalyst. This is more to do about him though than about you, and I am sorry it is hurting you, I think it is completely understandable though. I don't think it is wrong for your husband to have a friend of the opposite sex as long as the two of you women are always around each other, I would not like how it looks to others having your husband going over and helping her without you, he may be innocent and wanting to help her because he feels sorry for her having been dumped by her husband, but you are his wife and it is not appropriate for him to be alone with her in a social situation or a handyman situation unless he is working for her, her landlord or something along those lines....insist that he take you with him....when he is around her....and explain to him how it might look to others without nagging about him doing those things for her....sounds like she is trying to stick up for you and not be a threat, but still it is really kinda a lot for her to expect to borrow your husband without you being there, at the same time.....take care.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2008): Sounds like you are better off leaving him to her. Eventually, he will start treating her like dirt too. Yes, you've got something to worry about. I imagine the incredible sex is due to the fact that he's thinking of her, not you. Otherwise, why is it only after he's seen her that the sex is so amazing? It's total BS that after 3 yrs. of asking him to stop playing his game, he refused until this "friend" said he should stop. He's acting so sweet. nice and attentive around her because he wants her to want to be with him. And when she does want to be with him, he'll act to her like you are the reason you two are splitting up. He will make you look like the bad guy. I doubt he'll stop seeing her, it doesn't seem like he values your opinion or feelings very much. I'd leave him before he leaves you.
...............................
|
