Am I just being jealous and holding on to his mistakes?

A female age 41-50, *pot writes:

I am having trouble trusting my boyfriend. We dated once before, for two and half years, and I was the one who broke it off. I felt like I wasn't ready for such a serious relationship, and I was unhappy and wanted to go back to school and get my life in order. However,after we broke up, I missed him terribly and felt like it had been a mistake, but he wanted to move on. He very quickly met another girl, and they moved in together. He kept calling me, and told me that he still loved me, was unsure of his feeling for her, but wanted to be with her. It was very hard to hear. About a year later, he called to tell me that they had broken up and begged me to see him. We spent a weekend together, and after I left, he told me that he didn't love me anymore, and he was getting back together with her. We didn't speak for another year after that, when we were both in nyc. We ended up sleeping together, and then next morning, he told me that although he still had feelings for me but was dedicated to his relationship with this same girl. She finally broke up with him a few years later, and he called me shortly after that. We got back together, which I thought I wanted. I always felt like he was the only person I had dated that I felt like I belonged with, but now I feel torn because after all that has happened. I used to believe that he loved me very much, but now I have this doubt. We have talked about all of this, and I have told him about how badly it effected me.I just feel terribly disappointed and sad. I'm finally in a place where I have a real job and feel capable of having a solid relationship, and I would love to have a family, but I just keep feeling like the ground is going to buckle under my feet. I feel really terrible that he cheated on the other girl...I feel guilty too. He says that he grew to love her very passionately, which hurts, because I do feel like the second choice now. I'm so afraid that he is talking to her behind my back, even though I am pretty sure he is not. When we were dating, I thought of him as a very committed, honest person who would never do the things he did. I just don't think I will ever understand why he could cheat on her if he was so serious about her. (There was another girl besides me, too.) I guess my question is, once a cheater, always a cheater? Or am I just being jealous and am holding on to his mistakes?

View related questions: broke up, got back together, jealous, move on, moved in

Reply to this Question

Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question!

A female reader, Laura1318  +, writes (12 April 2010):

1 2 3 4 5

<-- Rate this answer