A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Dear everyone,Wishing you all a merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!This is going to be a bit long, I apologize. Please forgive me if it tests your patience. At the end of typing this I realized I was simply venting out, so probably you can just skip this unless you are an ocean of fortitude :)I know that life isn't ever without wants and desires, difficulties and enemies. I've been dealing with them and staying ethical, bearing with the burdens and egos.I'm a good, kind hearted simple man, who really respects people.. who knows that everyone is after all just trying to live and be happy and even if they hurt others in the process, it's probably because they don't know how to achieve happiness in a more equanimous way, so I usually never harbor ill will against anybody.I'm not laid back, I do worry about the future and I try to be self sustaining and I worry about my Parents.But as I approach 30, I find my energy dissipating. I find that nothing motivates me.I had a lot of responsibilities thrust on me as a young man of 16 years of age, and I had to live up to those. I studied pretty well, I got into a great college in Bachelors, into a very good job and career.. I then studied in a top 5 college in the US and tried my best. I was never unethical. I always treated people well.But I feel very lonely. I never had the upbringing or the luxury of having a girlfriend. I'm a South Indian Brahmin, and that means I'm vegetarian, studious, soft spoken, that's it. Not romantic, or socially adept, or a charmer, or an ultra rich person.I'm just another "Mr. Nice guy, unfit for girls".I sometimes feel very bad for myself and cry. I remember how many years ago I watched this movie "Bedazzled", where Liz Hurley taunts Brenden Fraser saying how he goes to bed alone every night eating frozen dinner and how he cries, and he says "not every night". I found it tough to laugh then, without feeling sorry for him. Probably I knew what was coming.I cannot continue in this way, so I'm getting this thought where I can cope by steeling myself and killing my want for love or emotions. I've done this repeatedly before when I had a lot of responsibilities to shoulder, but I never went so far as to kill my heart, so to speak. I just suppressed the feelings, let them go by. But now they are destroying my life. I am unable to work properly either. I don't know what to work for. Who to work for. Nobody. Earlier I used to think about my Parents. Now I don't, and I don't know why. I don't know if that makes me a bad person and a bad son. To be clear - My Parents have never ever asked me for anything - I just knew what needed to be done.So I'm going to kill my emotions and become a stone hearted man. I'll still be ethical, but I won't feel for anyone anymore - everyone seems way too greedy and self serving anyway, they'll find someone else to do their work. I'll just live out my life. Probably my Parents will get very worried for me and force me to marry some girl or the other whom I don't know, don't trust and don't feel one with, but then which girl will even agree to marry a person who feels like this anyway? Probably someone confused lost or insecure. It would be a sad day.Something will give way in me soon. I just cannot see which way I'll go, that's all.. It won't be destructive in the eyes of the world for sure, but I know it will destroy a nice good part of me.Thanks for reading, sorry for the torture :)Regards,
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question
To everyone who replied,
Thanks a lot for your concern and suggestions, and for taking out your valuable time for me. I was out sick and couldn't respond earlier, sorry about that.
I have resolved to be positive in my thoughts from now on. I realized that personal and professional difficulties in the past 3 years made me a very cynical person, and I am working towards respecting myself and gaining a new composure, one accompanied by knowledge and wisdom, and patience.
I feel within my heart that I will surely find my soul mate. Thanks again guys, I wish each and everyone of you happiness, strength and health!
Regards,
A
male
reader, Sttudyo  +, writes (30 December 2010):
I see I'm not the only one who feels lonely from time to time. It sucks, I know, so I decided to focus on my career and live life and let every day bring new experiences.
What I'm thinking, and this is my personal opinion, is that turning your feeling off is just trash talking. Sorry for that dude, but that's just BS. I mean, you're not a machine!!! You can just turn your brain off and impede it from releasing some hormones every once in a while.
As you're realizing your situation maybe it's time to take some chances? You'll never get anywhere if you just sit and wait for a girl to fall down from the sky in to your lap.
Profit and take advantage of the 21 st century dating methods our parents didn't have!!! You can go blind dating, meet people through internet sites (please be sure to use a decent one!!!), e-mails, speed dating, etc.
What I'm simply suggesting is that YOU have to create your opportunities yourself. I don't know about your system of beliefs or if you believe in things like fate and destiny and/or by statistics or probability you'll meet someone. CREATE your own opportunities to meet people!!!
And please take your time!! Be sure that if in fact you meet someone you like, get to know them very well before moving one. Take baby steps to begin with.
And a final note. If you start dating, (and I don't want to be a Grinch here, just realistic), dating and loving CAN hurt as much as being lonely so be prepared mentally for that. Dating is a roller-coaster you'll have up's and down's
but eventually think of it as part of the fun of living and meeting people in life.
I hope some of these ideas will put some interesting thoughts on your mind.
Merry Christmas to you as well and don't sit and hope for a better year... get up and make it the best year yourself!!!
Best wishes for 2011...
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (30 December 2010):
 Hey hey hey!!! Whats with all the negativity???
Dont let not having a girl bring you down. Sometimes its better to be single than be with the wrong person and in a load of trouble. The right person comes along for everyone. Some people are lucky enough to find them in high school! Others find them somewhere along the way.
I personally feel the only reason to marry should be for love and you will find love where you least expect to! Go out with friends, meet people, have fun, read a good book, watch a movie that makes you laugh...the more you worry about not having a girl to love, the more depressed you would end up feeling. In any case, its not something that you can put right by brooding. Have fun, be positive...and oh...Happy New Year!!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2010): Hey
I am an South Indian too and i know exactly how you feel. Dont worry there are lot of girls out there who would love to talk to you. Try to let go of your depression and live your life to the fullest.
ALL THE BEST
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2010): You can try and shut down your emotions all you want. But you never will.You are not a Vulcan.Emotions can be controlled, but even the best of us are overwhelmed with them from time to time.You are shy. That is the only thing wrong with what you are doing. You are judging people before you even give them a chance or even know them.There plenty of ways to meet women. Get set up on dates. Look on the dating websites. Join a club of some sort. Join a sport. Anything that does not involve you sitting around blubbering like a 16 year old school girl with a crush that didn't work out.I realise this is pretty rich coming from me, who at 27 has never even been kissed by a woman, let alone been out on a date. But my problems are my own, and I hate seeing them reflected in others. I am taking measures to remedy them (namely I'm leaving my country (Australia) and starting over for three weeks on my own in Egypt with people I don't know, in an effort to crack open this thick shell I seem to have grown over the years.Don't hold back. LIVE. You will feel pain as you have never felt it before. But you will also experience joy the likes of which you never knew existed.Flynn 24
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A
female
reader, Krazybihh +, writes (29 December 2010):
Look u seem like a really nice guy. U shouldn't let not having a girlfriend bring u down. There is a girl out there for u. U just have to get out there. Meet people go out for a drink try talking to girls. This is a very shallow world but not everyone out there is shallow. U will find someone just be patient. And always remember love finds u when ur not looking for it. So go out have fun and who knows what will happen.
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