A
male
age
41-50,
*r Raindog
writes:I don't like advice on half gnawed information, so this is a longer than most posted questions…I’ve known this girl, “Katie” for nine years now and we have a lot of history together, some romantic, but much not. We parted ways for a couple of years and we got back in touch after she had a child with a guy, “Paul.” She had dated him for a short while and was going to break up with him until she found out she was pregnant. They ended up moving in with each other and began a rocky relationship. At one point, Paul told Katie that he had been cheating on her and, in turn, broke up with her. I came back into the picture and had some good times with her during this phase, but Paul begged her to go back to him and proposed. Once she accepted, he pushed to have the wedding as quickly as possible (proposed in February, married in June). I had thought about ending my friendship with her and almost did not attend the wedding, until I swallowed my feelings and showed up to the reception. stigmaShe and I soon returned to being friends and even began working on a screenplay together. She was very good at taking the disorganized ideas my brain was producing and turning it into manageable chunks. We worked very well together and stuck with it, working about twice a week for two months before the complications of life began to interfere with out schedules. In November, I received a couple of phone calls from her at midnight while I was working, She had been crying because she had found out that her husband, Paul, had been cheating on her since before they were married, with guys, he met off the internet. It was then that she revealed some of his sexual requests, which included wanting to watch her having sex with another guy and swinging with other couples. Despite this, Katie ended up staying with Paul, deciding to send him to counseling despite his protests. Then, one night while we were out having some beer, we talked as we normally do; about our lives and the current nonsense we’re both dealing with, when she suddenly began to flirt with me and exuded severe amounts of sexuality. I hadn’t seen this side of her in many years and it unleashed the part of me that I had kept slumbering away in a pleasant hibernation for a long time. We went to the parking lot and made out with each other and then she told me that she loved me. We did not, nor have we ever slept with one another. She’s known how I’ve felt about her for some time now, but we had just crossed a line. She feels like she’s cheating and I know that. On the other hand, that night I felt like, for lack of a better description, like my heart had gotten a big meal after being starved. But since then she’s been very distant and kept our phone conversation brief and I’m not sure how to interpret this. Nor do I have to faintest of ideas of how to proceed. I do have a genuine love for her… but what should I do and how should I go about doing it?Part of me feels like I should flee and leave her and everything behind, the other part of me wants to continue to pursue her and both options feel like they’ll lead to pain. The first will not last as long but I’ll lose a long-term and valued friend in the process (although that may already be lost). The second could lead to potential emotional devastation but has the upside of being potentially beneficial in the long term. If I had any respect for her husband, I’d apologize, promise not to let it happen again and move on, but I don’t. I don’t think he deserves her and it hurts to see her, in my opinion, waste her time trying to change a guy that doesn’t know how to appreciate her, although I do admit that he’s a good dad to their kid. kinshipI’m not naïve enough to ignore the many “guy/girl in waiting” stories and I’m also acknowledging a self-proclaimed second fiddle status. Am I just allowing my heart to consider running this fool’s errand? It sure doesn’t feel that simple of an explanation. But I don’t want to be licking up crumbs off the floor when I know there’s a delicious dinner on the table. And this is a dinner I really want. I feel like a damned teenager again.
View related questions:
broke up, flirt, move on, sex with another, swallow, swinging, the internet, wedding Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2007): She got closer to you in a weak moment and may have wanted to feel desired because Paul had cheated and it harmed her self-esteem. She is still in love with him and unless she splits up with him you shouldn't start anything romantic with her.Friendships should remain friendships. Once romance enters the equation it is something else.You should try to meet someone else.
|
