A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been committed to boy friend online for almost 8 months now. I know, it sounds unusual since working relationships usually happens in person. I don't have a choice here really. He's 8000 miles away from me and I just can't go there for visa reasons. Let me just give you a brief story on how we met. It was 7 months ago, I met him in a an unusual chat site and he just caught my attention for his decency. It went well for months and it even got to the point that I'll be meeting him. But yet, I was denied back in the embassy (Twice). Now, we're getting into the point that he feels so forced that I just want to hear from him. From Phone calls, to skype and even texts. Just tonight he said, (I received you text and went online what do you want more from me?!). I tried to make a nice conversation with him to strengthen our bond. Yet, his distant. Oh did I mention that his ex- girlfriend still calls him and they communicate time-to-time. I'm trying my best to understand cause I trust him. But, now it seems like his starting to be more insensitive about how I feel. He wasn't like this before and I have to admit, I may be not the perfect girl friend but when his in need of support I'm always there.He's suffering back aches lately and perhaps maybe thats why he doesn't feel like talking to me?Or maybe I'm just a the woman in the box(computer) helping him with his boredom.I know for others there that this might sound unhealthy or can't be called as a real relationship. But, I know how I feel. He's been the most understanding guy I know,well not recently but I really want this to work. Cause, my lawyer has been working my papers and I have a strong feeling that soon we'll be meeting in person.For you who have been in an online relationship or long distance, please I need your advice. OR anyone who can help me. Thank you very much I'll really appreciate it.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2011): I'm also in an online relationship. We've been together for 10 months and he's about 7,200 miles away from me. I'm 16 and he's 22 but I know this is real (he's coming to visit me this year). We've never had any problems with him getting mad at me in a really serious way, usually I'm the one getting mad mainly because of jealousy.. but it always gets fixed when we talk it out. Anyways, what I mean to say is.. maybe he is having some issues right now. Ask him if you can have a serious talk and that you're worried about him. Try talking to him! If he brushes you off, then maybe he's not the one. Hope this problem gets fixed, maybe it's just a phase in your relationship.
A
male
reader, sebaslookingforward  +, writes (23 March 2011):
Online relationships are not good. I have been in them, in a serious way, and they don't work. You cannot love someone you have never met in person. Talking on the phone, or camming, or texting, that is not a replacement for physical contact. Don't take this seriously, talk to him as a pen pal but don't worry if this conversation suddenly stops and find a nice lad you can see in person! Good luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2011): i find it difficult to believe that two people can have an adult relationship when they havent met! U must be finding it really difficult to understand why he is being off with you, but it is probably because you dont know eachother well enough. Im sorry to say this, but as far as you know, he cud be happily married with children and lying to you all! I think u shud cool things off for a while and let him come to you.
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (20 March 2011):
 Or maybe the fact that it is proving so difficult to meet in person is the problem.
I mean to say, you tell us you have twice now been denied a visa from the embassy of his country, and that your lawyer is working on your papers.
Well, even if you do manage to get a visa and go visit this man, how often do you expect to be able to see him - or for him to visit you? Eight thousand miles is a very great distance, so its difficult to foresee anything more than simple friendship - yet you are describing him as your "boyfriend" when you haven't even met in person.
Don't you think that's a bit premature? "Friend", maybe, "boyfriend" no. Not only that, but he's still in communication with an ex-gf. I wonder just how much of an "ex" she really is.....It sounds as if he's feeling some heat (pressure) from you, (even though you might not intend to come accross that way) from his comment "I received your text, went online - what more do you want from me?" I wonder about your comment also that you might not be the perfect girlfriend......perhaps he agrees with you on that score.....
I have a friend in England (where I was born and raised) and family and friends there. We met because he's a member of the church I attend when I visit, twice a year. In the meantime, we communicate via Skype, IM and webcam. In fact I'll be going next month, and usually stay at least four or six weeks. That's rather different to what you're facing. There just isn't any pressure between us, just very enjoyable and pleasant whether by computer or in person.
Maybe you need to relax a bit more and loosen up on "really wanting this to work." Perhaps it will, perhaps it won't, but attempting to push against the tide, certainly won't help. Sit back a while. If he calls, or comes online with you, fine, if he doesn't, don't worry about it. Easier said than done, I know, but at this point, just let the chips fall where they may for the time being......
P.S. You might try going online to Skype less frequently. For example, if you log on daily, cut it back to once or twice a week. Be "away" or even "available" and see if he contacts you first. Even online with the little green "available" icon, you can still be doing other things - getting something to drink, read, whatever. If he IMs you, you'll see it when you glance at the monitor; if he puts in a video call, you'll hear it......I'm trying to tell you to lower your expectations a little.....see how it goes.
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