A
female
age
30-35,
*ayola
writes:Hi,We're in a group of friends and I'm going out with one of them. I feel like one of my friends might have a thing for my boyfriend but that she will never admit too. Plus he used to like her, but he swears blind he doesn't have any feelings for her now. Which seems complete bull.I know this isn't just me being paranoid because other people have mentioned it to me.What should I do? I don't want it to play on my mind forever! Reply to this Question
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male
reader, idoneitagain  +, writes (22 February 2011):
It is quite common for people to develop attraction to the partners, siblings, parents etc of their friends. Attraction builds up between the people you spend time with and become close with, its quite natural. Feelings and attraction are not the issue, the issue is what we do with them. For you, the question is, if your friend and boyfriend have a mutual attraction, what do they want to do about it. Your boyfriend might like your friend, but not nearly as much as he likes you. Your friend might feel the same, she might like him but not seriously. Either way, it is their feelings, and they will have to decide what to do with them. You should do the same with your feelings. Your feelings are that you are insecure or unsure about the level of attraction between them, and if this is something that might threaten your relationship with your boyfriend. If other people have mentioned it to you, it probably means you aren't being paranoid or defensive, you are probably just acknowledging that there is something there.
I would suggest the best way to clear the air is to ask them. Ask your boyfriend about it, not in a way that is defensive, but in a way that lets him know that you and other people have noticed some kind of connection or attraction. Ask your friend too. You might not get a straight answer, but you will either get the truth, or a feeling that you haven't been given the truth, and you can go from there. You might not get the outcome you are looking for, but moving forward with honesty in our relationships is how we grow as people.
Good luck.
A
female
reader, FloridaCatGirl  +, writes (22 February 2011):
 What makes you think your friend has a thing for your boyfriend? You said your boyfriend once had a crush on this friend. Does she know that he was interested in her?
I think the only thing I’d be concerned about is the fact that the other friends in your group have said something to you about this. What exactly have they noticed?
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (22 February 2011):
 Well am afraid there is nothing you can do. He wouldnt be going out with you if he didnt want to be, and if your friend likes him well then she probably respects your friendship more therefore she wont do anything that would risk losing you. You shouldnt worry about it. The more you worry the more you will see little things that will anoy you. You need to believe in your relationship and trust your boyfriend when he says it is you he wants. The more you question them the more you will drive them away.
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