A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have been in a relationship for the past 2 years. Over the past couple months, several "significant" dates have passed by, and we have fought all the way to this point. My girlfriend has never felt I love her. I am not very emotional, and not one to serenade someone. I have done more to show her I love her then any one else. I cook breakfast, dinner, buy unexpected gifts, write her emails, always try to answer her calls, tell her I love her daily, support her pursuits and career, etc. I thought we had a regular sex life, and that she felt loved, but 16-18 months ago she told me that she does not feel I love her. Since then, I have felt more and more inadequate. She has told me that she would rather have an older, fatter person, because they would worship her. I just want to have a normal life with her, but she thinks I am not being realistic. She had wanted me to take showers every night with her. I like to take a shower with her now and then, but I also like taking showers alone, or finish up some work. Then I feel like a have let her down. I just don't think normal couples take showers together every night, and have sex twice a day - am I just strange? I want her to be happy, but I can't even satisfy her most intimate demands. Please help -
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2008): With the information you have provided, I am not really sure what she is wanting.
One thing which stood out was your comments on how early in your relationship she started feeling this problem, of you not loving her.
I can't seem what you are doing wrong, if this is her problem. I would be pretty pissed if my husband wanted a shower EVERY day, to me that is a bit weird. That many times spoils the excitment in my mind. Your doing everything that women are wanting from a guy, so it must be something else in her mind which she is unsatisfied with.
You can't keep continuing in the dark. She needs to be more specific in how she feels you are not showing her your love. I don't buy the shower thing. It sounds like she is trying to find fault all the time. High maintenance?
But what a trial to have to continually worry about.
Some of the most pleasurable times I spend with my husband are spontanious and unplanned, cost nothing and are more about making us laugh and smile than gifts, activities and constant attempts at reassuring each other. Something to be said for nothingness at times!!
All the best but get her to be more specific. Not fair on you.
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (15 February 2008):
 She felt unloved because you did not want to participate with her daily bath and sex rituals. That is what she sees.
Your needs are incompatible .You need to resolve this issue or it will tear your relationship apart.
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (15 February 2008):
 No, you're not inadequate. Having an introverted personality is not being inadequate. You need to figure out what makes her feel loved. Once you find that, just repeat often. It's either a certain activity, such as going out to dinner. Giving her a gift. Saying sweet things in a certain way, or touching her in a certain way. You'll know when you find out how she really feels loved. She'll melt when it happens. Then just repeat.
As far as her desire to be worshiped. Relationships are difficult, and if she wants the fairytail relationship, you two have to create it, it doesn't just happen. Weather good or bad people create their own experience.
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