A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi, i'm at a low point at the moment in my life and this has only come about withing the last few days. This may be long!!I am married and my hubby is currently away on tour, our welfare team (set up to deal with any issues) has organised day trips out but i find these clicky and i dont know anyone, dont get me wrong i have friends.Anyway, for a few weeks my friend (We'll call her Claire) has been trying to get me on these trips, i have said no coz in my opinion my kids wouldnt enjoy the as neither would i. I have been setting up a business too and have been rather busy with that.I had a few drinks with Claire on Friday night and she basically confrunted me asking why and trying to get me to justify myself to her, after a while she said: 'yeh i'm bored now of all these excuses' to which i forcefully left her house, she grabbed my arm and pushed me so i couldnt move, i left her house.She messaged me yesterday saying she couldnt do right for doing wrong and she told me i wasnt alone etc she said if i dont want to talk to her anymore then that's fine. I didnt reply as i was to upset and angry with her and didnt want to say anything i regretted.I will be seeing Claire 2morrow on the school run and i am dreading it, i have been upset all weekend and i dont need to justify myself to her, i dont know what to do! I feel as though i'm a child in the playground and my life is being ran by someone else other than me.Im already stressed from starting a business, i dont need this hassle too. Claire asked me my priorities so i said: my kids, she said: so not you? and i said: no, my kids......Is it me that is in the wrong coz i cant do anything except question myself, i dont know what to think anymore and am really upset.Any help would be great, sorry so long Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2011): Hi guys, i am the person who wrote the post.The army if very clicky and if your face doesn't fit you're screwed..... which seems to be my life in a nutshellI am a very shy person and think alot into problems. I am in no way confruntational and that in itself causes me great stress.I like to think that i can see both sides of the problem and i can, i know she wants me to enjoy myself but i also enjoy my own space.On the night we argued Claire was suppose to be going to a house party a few doors down, she had the neighbours popping around and i told her to go (even though i know the neighbours too) it was as though she didnt want ME to go, suppose i'm not part of that click.....I work hard through the week so that my weekends are filled with having fun with my kids, my kids love singing and having late nights watching rubbish on tv curled up on sofa with mum and that is MY fun, pizza night with karaoke. It's almost like i HAVE to have a drink to de-stress as Claire enjoys a good old drink, which we all do but not every weekend.She had a group of friends with her at school this morning and i dont really know anyone on the school run so i felt extremely uncomfortable but nothing was said.I dont know whether or not to email her as i feel like anything i say to her will be taken out of context and i dont want to say something that wil cause more stress
A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (26 September 2011):
 It sounds like 'Claire' was indeed pushy and definitely crossed the line when she tried to physically restrain you, but she does have a point when she asked where YOU fit in in all your goals and priorities.As important as our children are, they should not be the centre of our universe. Making them so does everyone a disservice. It depletes your own resources and teaches your chilldren to do the same when they reach adulthood. It also encourages them to take you for granted and the fewer outlets you have for your own happiness, the more heavily you will lean on them to provide it. That is a burden they can do without.Your children's wants do not come before your needs.Maybe 'Claire' isn't the right friend for you, but give thought to what she said. With your husband away, you're a single mother who is also starting a business. Make time for YOU, the person.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (25 September 2011):
 It sounds like the American Army's version of FRG ( Family REadiness Group - basically the wives/husbands of the soldiers).
Tell her you aren't interested in the daytrips
& activities, that you have your own supportnet and quite frankly she is causing your more stress then anything.
Having your kids be your #1 is not wrong at all. Even if your put yourself #1 (though I have yet to meet a mom that does that lol) why would that mean you have to hang out with people you don't WANT to hang out with?
You can tell her she can keep sending you info on the various activities and trips, but that you will get in trouch of you feel like joining.
The welfare team is not mandatory (I assume). YOU don't have to show up if you don't want to, so don't let anyone bully you into it. It's YOUR life. Don't make excuses - just tell her NO.
PS, Claire sounds like a toxic, noxious, violent twat, I would avoid her like the plague.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (25 September 2011):
 I know that it looks like she is adding more stress on top of you. But if you look at it from her point of view. She is looking at your life she can see that you have taking a lot of work on and that you are stressed. She sees that you are wanting to do the best you can for your children and although that is the right thing you also need to make time for yourself to enjoy life and this is what she is trying to do. She is trying to do good by you but to you it looks like she is interfering. She just wants you to take some time out to enjoy yourself. Why not sit down and ask yourself what activities you can do that will cheer you up. Talk to claire and explain to her that you are upset about the way that she treated you the last night. Because it was wrong of her to be violent in any case. Try and meet her half way and go out and enjoy yourself. You need to de-stress.
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