A
male
age
41-50,
*live1982
writes:I'm a 37 year old male, met this girl who is 31 on a dating app. We're both of Chinese background. She's had two relationships prior to our match; both long term. We hit it off pretty well over texts, subsequently I asked her out for dinner. She is attractive, fun, considerate, punctual, makes and sticks with plans; also pick up/split bills with me.Our first meet up felt pretty good, I was a bit nervous because I was very attracted to her though I tried to remain calm and collected, the conversation went pretty smoothly though I didn't pick up any sign that she was into me. At the end of the dinner I hugged her; she might have been shy or conservative, at that time I felt that she was lukewarm towards me.We kept in touch after that, although I already like her a lot, I tried not to text her more than once a day (didn't want to appear needy/clingy). When I do text her though, she seemed enthusiastic, so 3 days after we met, I just randomly asked if she was up for dinner after work, she agreed and we met again.This time, we were both much more relaxed, I can sense that she is very comfortable being with me. However, I still don't sense that she likes me romantically; I on the other hand, also did not initiate any intimate physical contacts as I was unsure of how she feels towards me. At the end of our second dinner, we hugged and I told her I can't wait to see her again soon. She suggested that we go to a comedy club next time.3 days later, I asked her out for dinner again, she had to cancel our weekend comedy club thing because something came up, so we met during weekday night for dinner instead. It went better than dinner 2: more laughter and goofing around; this time I tried to engage more subtle physical contacts, I'd tap on her shoulder when I say something or I'd bump her elbow when cracking a joke etc., and she didn't seem repulsed by it; but I couldn't bring myself to hold her hand or anything of that sort. By the end of our third dinner, we just hugged, I really wanted to kiss her, but couldn't bring myself to do it as I just didn't see any cues. I really don't want to be in the "friend zone" with her. I think she likes me enough to go out with me, maybe I wasn't assertive enough? maybe she's a slow warmer? maybe she just looks at me as a friend? I'm thinking the next time we met, before we part, maybe I should just tell her that I really like her and I'd like to develop a relationship with her; though I'm not sure if this'll sound too "business-like" and ruins the romance of it all. Or should I risk it and just go ahead and lean in and kiss her? I fear rejection and that I may have done it too quickly. Either I just can't pick up the cues, or she really isn't all that warmed up to me yet. At this stage I'm confident that she definitely enjoys my company and conversation, I'm just not sure if she likes me romantically. I'm 37 and have been in quite a few relationships, this is the first time after meeting a girl 3 dinners I'm still confused and not making any moves; prior to this I was always able to pick up the signal and made my moves.Any advice is appreciated.
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male
reader, stanliwise  +, writes (9 November 2019):
 Hahahhahahahaha
Sorry for laughing
"If you want a girl, be ready to loose her"
If you feel like you wanted to kiss a girl then try go for it and see what happens, if you're rejected, make a light apology and give her the space. This space is for her to rethink. But don't give in, try it again another time and day and this time with more confidence and preparedness than before.
To get a peck is after dating when she is going home, point to the cheek and see what happens. **evil smiles**
So far you've played your card right, don't drag the outing too much, it will only reveal you're just catching fun and wasting her time. By next date, make her understand you like her person and you're romantically interested.
Tell why have considered her closely(just few is enough) and ensure she agree by making a statement. if yes, then you have it.
If she says, she would think about it, then give her a big space enough for the universe for her to think it, don't spoil the space with calls and messages, Buf if she calls you then respond to her with good energy and vibes, don't let her see a frustrated face and don't keep the chat too long.
If she says No, then never show an angry face, just make her think you understand why she say know and comport yourself, do the normal joking and playing that same night and remain bright until the end of the date after then give her the a capital and big SPACE to miss you.
Lastly, stop being afraid to loose her, if she goes away, just wait and if she doesn't come, then move on but this shouldn't mean you shouldn't be patient.
A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (8 November 2019):
 All I’ll add to Honeypie’s great advice is that the “friend zone” doesn’t exist. Men say they’re in the “friend zone” just because a woman wasn’t romantically interested in you.
Some say you weren’t “alpha”/confident enough, but that’s not how it works. If you are “put in the friend zone”, it’s just because she’s not interested in you. It’s not something you get put in as a punishment for not doing something else.
It doesn’t exist. Being friends doesn’t mean you’re “friend zoned” and you can’t be more someday, but being friends shouldn’t be used as a means to an end either.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2019): I think you should absolutely just have the conversation. Tell her you'er interested in a romantic relationship and would like to take her on a date. If she says she's not interested in that, then there's nothing you can do.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (7 November 2019):
I think instead of leaning in for a kiss you should tell her that you are interested in getting to know her better and develop a relationship, RATHER than leaning in for a kiss. I think an awkward kiss too soon would MORE likely ruin any romance, whereas a "declaration of interest wouldn't.
If you aren't sure she is interested in you physically. She might not be either, yet.
Fearing rejection won't PREVENT someone to "reject" you as a romantic partner. At least WITH a rejection you will know to move on, whereas now you are in a sort of limbo.
She seems to like spending time with you, you met on a dating app, not a hang out or let's be friends app. So she obviously IS looking for a partner. She suggested the comedy club date (even if she did reschedule) and when she had to reschedule she didn't just cancel, she found another day to see you. ALL these are good signs. Though they do not express romantic inclination. Not everyone know by the 3rd date if the other person is someone they can see themselves date. Sometimes it takes MORE dates, spending more time together, in person.
I think if she had put you squarely in the "friend-zone" she would have avoided the hugs. And perhaps found an excuse to just cancel a date, not reschedule.
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