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female
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anonymous
writes: I have been dating my new guy for about 5 months now. In the beginning, we both established that we weren't looking for serious things, and most likely it would be more of a "fling". However, we clicked and we clicked hard. After 1 month he had already brought me back to his hometown to meet his friends and family. After a month and a half he planned a romantic weekend away for my birthday, where he had a private dinner at a five star restaurant totally catered to the max. After about 2-2 and a half months , he had given me a key to his house. I could go on but I think you get the picture. And for the first time, I'm not wanting to "run". I'm 25 years old, have had at least 3 serious relationships and have never seen a future with anyone. With this guy, I do. Just recently, I've noticed a break in things. I could be overreacting, but it's bothering me and I'm scared to death to lose him. He dosen't call me as much and when he says he's going to call either it's hours later or not at all. There is a lot going on in his life right now, but I am not asking for all his time, just a little consideration. I guess my question is...is my boyfriend losing interest or is it all in my head?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2008): As an older woman I've been through this a lot. In fact the guy I have been seeing for the last six months is definitely pulling away right now so I am having the same problem as you.
I've noticed this trend in almost ALL men/guys that I meet. I've read a lot of books on what men want and what they are thinking, etc. The sources say that men have more of a tendency than women to pull back when things are getting too close. That does NOT mean that they are losing interest in most cases. And what you HAVE to do right now is sort of keep your cool. Don't ask him why he's acting like this, etc., or get angry at him (which is pretty hard to do) -- it will on only push him away further. Stay calm and cool -- and don't call him a lot. When he does call you again and he probably will -- just be nice and friendly and be there for him as a friend. By taking a step back you will give him the opportunity to feel comfortable again and feel a strong interest in you again. Also, when he does call you again -- ask him politely if he could do something for you, like paint something, fix something, give you a ride somewhere or things of that sort. Men LOVE when a woman needs them in that way. Men actually DO like to give to a woman but not in the way that we give. We give emotionally, their way of giving is feeling needed.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2005): Guys who are interested...show it through contact but they are careful not to be overbearing & smothering, either. But generally, most of them will contact a love interest, every 1-3 days. It could be he's feeling a bit overwhelmed and needs some space. Give it to him. Leave him alone for a week and see what happens. If he contacts you..just be yourself but don't ask him what he's been up to. Let him do the pursuing for a change..be a bit more unattainable-let him find you. Your relationship is still in it's infancy and you are worth working hard for. Let him know that.
If after no contact with him for this length of time, and he still ignoring you-then these are serious red flags he's sending up, and then it's likely time for you to move on. Some men do lose interest fast in relationships. They allow the relationship to "fade" away because they believe they are unable to "love" and go beyond the early "passionate" stage. Once that is gone, they lose interest and can't sustain an emotional connection. It could mean he has other 'interests', elsewhere and if you're looking for faithfulness, then he may not be the guy. Don't ever be "scared" to lose a guy, dear. If you are feeling that way then maybe he's sensed that and it's scared him. High self-esteem, independence and a healthy positive attitude about yourself and life in general, is very attractive to men. So Good luck and get back on with life and just slowly see where this will go.
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A
female
reader, missdee +, writes (7 September 2005):
Sounds like you two started moving really quick from the start. When a relationship goes that fast it often burns out real quick. You need to talk to your boyfriend and see if he wants to slow things down. From the sounds of it he might be getting scared from how fast the relationship is going. Give him room or even time if that is what he needs. You know the expression if you love something set it free, if it comes back its yours if it don't it never was.
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