A
female
age
41-50,
*unnerinsc
writes:I was 8 months pregnant with our third child when I found out my husband was cheating on me. We reconciled I though. After I had our daughter on his birthday 2 weeks later he left me and moved in with her ( He did support us financially the whole time) A few weeks later he moved back in and we continued to fix our marriage. Finally I guess the guilt became to much he moved into our vacation home. Refuses to say I love you to me. We stay at each others places every now and then and are intimate. I have told him to go ahead and file for divorce ( I cant bring myself to do it). I have tried the no contact I texted him that we needed to just cut off and not speak unless about the children and he freaked out when I blocked him showed up at the house asking me to come stay with him. He wont go to marriage counseling and he has it in his head that he loves this other girl who basically told him to kill himself. Am I holding on for nothing?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (11 October 2014):
 Maybe if you show him the papers and ask him to come with you to the lawyers, that would wake him up that you are serious. Tell him if he doesn't go to counselling with you that's it. You will file yourself and after one year of separation then the divorce is done. I am not sure if his love for you is zero, but he can't bring himself to say not because he doesn't love you, but because he fully knows that when you love someone you don't cheat. He refuses to go to marriage counselling to be told he's wrong. He maybe trying to blame you for problems in the marriage. Still, you have to tell him, if you can't open up and talk about things, you don't have a relationship and you are not going to play happy family while he escapes to another woman's arms for excitement.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2014): You are absolutely playing into his hands . Why does he need to fight for you one little bit when you are always there for him, always on a platter , prepared to sleep with him and put up with him dishing out whatever rubbish he likes Do you not deserve a man who loves you and thinks ONLY of you?Who wants ONLY to make love to you? Why are you selling yourself shortDon't use your kids as an excuse to be weak I am a mother of four . I have been there and done that before and I'm not saying it's easy but believe me you will have something far better than some sleaze bag of a husband who sees you as a second best prize. You will have your self respect !Go out and date ! See that there are men who will worshipThe ground you walk on and would never dream of treating you this way . Let him see you shine and I promise you that you will soon see him for what he truly his . Leave him to his woman or himself . You deserve better . START BELIEVING IT
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (10 October 2014):
 What a cad, I'm so sorry for your pain. but the answer to your question is yep, you're try to blow airinto a baloon with a hole in it.
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A
female
reader, NORA B  +, writes (10 October 2014):
This is a very sad and hurtful situation for you and your family and i can quiet understand how you feel. First of all it comes across to me re your husband that he does not know what he wants.However in the meantime it does not give him the right to use you and come running home when he is not wanted by the other woman.You will have to be strong and insist that he goes to a counsellor.I also think if he refuses would you go on your own to help you to make the right decision for you and your family.If he still loves this other woman there is no point.Be strong for yourself and your family.Kind regards NORA B
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (10 October 2014):
 "Am I holding on for nothing?"
Yes, him living somewhere else and NOt engaging in his FAMILY and not wanting to try and fix means THIS is a good as it gets. And honestly, it's not good for either of you.
Go and file, rip that band aid off.
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