A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:Am I handling my situation well. I am the mother of three. My older sons live independently. My 9 year old lives with me. He is the child of a man I have known for over 20 years. We first met in 1984 and had something years back then it fizzled out and we met again in 1999. Child was planned and discussed. We had a good sex life and he is a fairly good role model and a little support for me and to my sons. But I felt that was all it was - SEX..Nine years after our child - we do not live together, discuss marriage, have not met key members of his family. He does not take me out. Always waits for me to arrange something. Never eat together. When he did come round it would be late then he would leave early in the morning.I was starting to feel used and quite sick and eventually I told him that the situation was making me physically sick. I have stopped sexual contact with him for nearly a year. I sent him an e-mail explaining what I want in a relationship as when I tried to speak to him he said I was nagging.To date nothing has changed and he has made no effort to meet with me and sort things out. I dont miss anything as there was nothing to miss apart from the sex. I miss being able to talk to him about issues. He told my son that men must never run after women.I had joined a singles club about 2 years ago and recently joined an on-line dating agency but find it hard to move on. I am coming up to 49 next birthday. I have a very glamorous job as air cabin crew but dont know why I am so lonely.He has distanced himself from me and our child. I dont call him as when I do he never talks about himself or discusses what he's doing so I do not enjoy talking to him on the phone. I know he loves his son.Have I handled this well. I have no one to share my unhappiness with and do not want to burden my son although he sees I am unhappy.Any comments appreciated.
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your response Abella some really interesting points that I hope other readers will benefit from. I am a qualified college lecturer/manager and have only been out of education for over a year in my quest to see some of the world. Yes I use to be a School Governor, dance in a dance group and perform shows, sing in a band and had a fairly good group of friends. I am having fun at the moment and only do short haul so not away for long. See my son every day.
Thanks for confirming what I thought all along. He does not want to continue a relationship with me and I certainly not chasing him.
A
female
reader, Abella  +, writes (31 July 2012):
 For your son's development he would benefit from being given an opportunity to develop a closer relationship with his father.
Facilitating that and encouraging the father to take a greater interest in his son would be good for both your son and the father of the child.
From your point of view though the actual intimate relationship is over. He is doing nothing to encourage you to think he cares much about you. He clearly feels that he owes you nothing.
So instead of first looking for a man it is time you also developed your own life more. Your wonderful job will not last forever. And the pace of that job will wear thin eventually.
Start thinking about some goals that you would like to meet in the next 12 months and the next five years and the next ten years.
How can you meet those goals?
Could you study part time for another chapter of your life?
Would something like learning to sell real estate be more attractive and more home based? So much travel must be exhausting sometimes.
Are you able to make things? Hand made things? Could you develop an online business on etsy.com?
Could you work for a travel agent booking holidays and giving advice to others. The schedule of working for an air line is punishing and sometimes even sleep deprived.
And living and working in a community might give you more chances to build more friendships on the ground and see more people regularly.
Start focusing on what careers on the ground would suit your skills. Aim for more stable living arrangements that would allow you more chances to build friendships and skills and meet the same friends regularly for coffee or lunch or just talking time, on land.
Could you find out if a local newspaper would be interested in a travel blog that you write about your travels and get paid to write it?
And for a bit of fun is there an amateur local drama group where you could either help out behind the scenes or even start in the play the group puts on?
Could you join a painting class and learn to paint. And then enjoy staging art shows where the fellow painters and you all sell your creations to the public. This would develop a money making skill and build friendships with like minded people.
The world is your oyster. There are so many wonderful things to discover and learna and enjoy.
Also drop in to see your local Doctor and ask him refer you to allow you a couple of sessions with a psychologist *(do this privately and NOT through the airline psychologist and you know it is not always confidential when the Airline is paying for it) to check if you can be assessed to see what ever blocks exist in your life. And to assess if you are also suffering mild depression. I would not blame you if you were suffering mild depression. But it is easily fixed and the Doctore would know what to do to help you if this is the case.
Good Luck with what will be an exciting Next ten years on this wonderful planet called Earth,
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