A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid. I suck. There's something wrong with me! I'm in an "un-labeled" exclusive relationship with a man whose good to me but has traces of Mr Hyde..I dunno. We'll call him Angelo. But this is the bad part, I've skipped over two...three..four nice guys for him. Two that can see marriage with me. Why? Cause I felt more chemistry with Angelo. Anyway, now "Henry" (a nice guy) is going to date a friend of mine...I think. I'm a little jealous, a little annoyed and a bit aghast. This makes me think, am I doomed to be the girl who passes up nice guys? My first bf was pure sweetness and I wonder if I'm downgrading somehow...? Ladies and gents, am I totally bullshitting myself? Or am I really becoming a girl whose slowly working her way to dating bad boy losers in the future?
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAngelo is an ex bad-boy, he's older than me and is finally settling down into a more calm lifestyle. Yes, there's that edge still and I do like it. He kisses me and I'm breathless. Now, the other guys...one made me gag with his kiss and I dunno if it's in my head or what but they taste "wrong" to me. I'm a nice girl, quiet, a bookwork, all my friends know they can depend on me. Angelo is my first and only lover... You all had some really good points I'm reflecting over, and I wonder if I should leave Angelo. Un-labeled relationship...that means I can never tell him I love him, right? Or know what to expect from him...I love him like mad but I wonder if my youth is clouding my judgement.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2010): I also agree with LazyGuy and Odds. Passing up the nice guys when you are younger is not without consequences. They have feelings and memories too.
I know a few nice guys who are older and for the most part they want nothing to do with the kinds of girls who used to shoot them down. They don't want to settle for a woman who is settling for them. If you preferred to notch up your bedpost (and accumulate emotional baggage) by screwing the same guys that used to beat them up in high school, then good luck getting a nice guy to think too highly of you later on. They have their self-respect to think about.
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (15 December 2010):
 Odds makes a valid point. Some women seem to think that there always be a nice guy waiting to pick them up once party time is over. But while you are dating the "bad" boys (and if they are bad, then what are you) the nice girls are marrying the nice guys.
And even if a nice guy is available, what makes you think he wants a girl ditched by a dozen guys? You wouldn't be the first woman to end up alone in a decade or two wondering where the guys went that used to be at her feet. Off married or dating younger bad girls who dating bad boys.
The loaf of bread that is left at closing time is the loaf of bread nobody else picked.
But this is your own life and you might be dead tomorrow. Angelo might not be the right stuff for the future but you life today. If you were with Henry you would still be thinking of Angelo, is that the recipe for a happy relationship? Some people make choices other think are bad but it is your life.
Maybe you will be a cougar chasing men at 40 unmarried. So? Can you REALLY see yourself as the girl dating Henry without yawning?
Your choice, sensible and safe or life for the moment and take things as they come. You can't change your own nature, only time can it you might never have a taste for the nice but boring guys.
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A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (15 December 2010):
 You're not "doomed" to anything. You control your life, unless you pass that control on to a guy or to your hormones.
The posters below are correct, most "nice guys" are, well, boring. Boring is pretty much the opposite of attractiveness. Nice guys take a while to get comfortable with new girls, which is when they start to open up and be more fun. They have to a be a little older and wiser.
The trouble is that by the time nice guys get there, and are fun, exciting, and attractive in addition to being reliable and caring - well, by that time, they have options. And they remember the kinds of girls who shot them down when they were younger. You must avoid being perceived as that kind of girl if you're going to be going for nice guys.
Start dating guys a little older, late twenties maybe. Wait longer before you decide whether or not you can see a relationship forming (that is, as long as the first date isn't a complete disaster, go for date two). Give them a chance to show their attractive side, rather than only chasnig the dramatic guys who can show it at will.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2010): "Just examine what attracts you to guys, not just the good but the bad things too. Look most people like to think they only like the good things in a person but that's a load of bullshit, there are negative traits that we find attractive too."
So true.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2010): While Caring Guy makes some good points. You could just be one of those girls that never gets a spark or chemistry from nice guys because you need the drama and excitement that only a bad boy can give.
You could be one of those girls that wants a nice guy in your head, but your heart yearns the unexpected and a guy who doesn't wear his heart on a sleeve, a guy who has an edge that excites you. You may just find the predictability and solid reliability of a nice guy boring hence no spark.
You see the biggest difference between a nice guy and a bad boy is consistency in behaviour. With a nice guy you know what you're going to get, he will treat you well, will be loyal, attentive and rarely do things outside of his stated beliefs.
A bad boy will tell you you're the only one, one minute, then try it on with your best friend the next. Or they will have a dark and edgy side that you can sense and want to discover. In fact most girls are attracted to that mystery and lots only find out too late that curiosity kills the cat.
This might not be you too, you might just not have had any connection with these guys, who says there isn't a nice guy you will have one with in the future.
Just examine what attracts you to guys, not just the good but the bad things too. Look most people like to think they only like the good things in a person but that's a load of bullshit, there are negative traits that we find attractive too. Examine those and see what you come up with. For example my girlfriend is very argumentative, she's the kind of girl if in the right mood will argue that sky is green. Even when wrong she won't back down. Now that stubbornness is a negative trait and some people don't like her for it but I love argumentative people. I love that she never backs down and for me it's extremely attractive because we have passionate debates all the time on menial things.
Another trait I love is her sarcastic wit, which she uses to tear people down a lot. Also a negative trait because people get very offended by her humour, but it's all good by me.
Have a look for yourself, see if there are negative traits that give you a spark.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (15 December 2010):
Even if a guy's nice, you still need to have chemistry and things in common before you can really date him. Living with a nice guy that you have nothing in common with can be as bad as living with a loser.
For a relationship to work, what you're really looking for is a nice guy who you have things in common with, who makes you feel good, and who you basically want to ravish all the time. And you haven't met that nice guy yet.
When the right Mr Nice Guy comes along, you'll know it. As for this Angelo, if you think he's not the one, ditch him and go looking for that nice guy instead.
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