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age
30-35,
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writes: i know this is very long, but im desperate for advice, so please please please read this and tell me what you think.im at a really awkward stage in my life right now. my boyfriend and i had been together for almost two years when we broke up.we were each others first kiss first love first time first everything. he said he didnt feel right being in the relationship when he was unsure of his feelings. he said he loved me but wasnt sure he was in love with me anymore and that he had been trying so hard for months to change his feelings. he said he was confused about what he wanted and that he lost himself in the relationship. so he broke it off, and broke my heart.alot of things happened after the break up, health issues and fights and such, and the whole time he kept trying to find out how i was doing. we tried the whole staying best friends thing but it tore me to pieces and i couldnt do it. i got to a point where i was so angry, and hurt, and upset that i just cut off all contact with him. he kept calling and i kept ignoring his calls only to find out he was texting my best friend to constantly ask about me. we spent almost three months apart until one day he showed up at my university begging to talk to me. after all the hurtful things he had said after the break up, i was still so angry. for the first time in my life, i exploded in his face and didnt hold back my feelings, something i never do im usually more patient than that. i was stronger than i had been in months, i still loved him with all my heart, but i knew i could stand on my own two feet again. he didnt say anything the whole time, he couldnt get the words out, and for the second time in his life he cried in front of me. he never cries in front of anyone. he pretty much confessed that all this time apart he shut out his feelings so he wouldnt feel the pain of being apart. and that now, when i was standing right in front of him, he felt the same feelings for me again. and that he needed me in his life but didnt think he could handle a relationship right now when he was working so hard on bettering himself so that he could offer me everything i deserved.i told him i cant be a friend he has feelings for, those situations never end well. and if he truly loved me then he either has to risk losing me forever by letting me go so i can truly move on with my life, or he has to commit and be in a relationship with me, but there was no way i could do the friends thing it would hurt too much.so im guessing by now you all know what happened next. we got back together, only on the terms that after the break up we have both changed, and need to treat this like a new relationship. so we cant rush back into the lovey dovey stuff just yet. ive been good about it, if we dont talk every night i no longer get myself worked up over it like i used to. if hes feeling crabby and doesnt want to talk, i give him his space until hes ready to come on his own. ive been doing everything i can to make sure i dont get that attached again anytime soon.last night we had plans to see each other, it was never set in stone but he knew i was free and wanted to see him and depending on his schedule we would see each other. we hadnt spent time together for over two weeks cause of school. he called me but i was on the train home and had no signal. he said he tried calling several times but it wouldnt go through. so he made plans with his friends. this really upset me and whilst i was driving we fought about it on the phone. he couldnt see what he did wrong and i had been so stressed out that it was like the straw that broke the camels back and i just broke down crying. i havent cried like that in so long, i had been keeping it in and after everything i just couldnt anymore.as soon as i started crying he realized how much he upset me and instantly his tone changed and he started begging to see me. i met up with him, i was still upset, and i made no effort to hug/kiss him or even be close. he instantly did it on his own, and wiped my tears and told me he was sorry. he just wanted to keep things light between us for a while thats why he didnt upset himself when our plans fell through.we spent a couple of hours together and we were shy and awkward with each other but still had a good time. i got a migraine at the end of it and he took care of me. it was such a strange night. and then on his way home later that night he called me to keep him awake because he was driving and he was really sleepy. so im just so confused about what we are and where we are going. am i doing the right thing by trying to start over with him? was i immature for having an emotional meltdown? he told me last night that hes been holding back what he says, and that a couple of days ago he almost said i love you. and not out of habit, but because he really meant it but he stopped himself because he knew it would mess me up. ive held myself back from saying it too because i no longer know what is real anymore. we are both so confused and im so scared of getting hurt again. what should i do?
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female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (23 November 2008):
You do seem to be HUGELY emotional about the whole thing.
I know he hurt you when he split up with you but then he came back and you agreed to take him back.
After that you should have just forgiven and forgotten but it seems you are still deeply hurt about him splitting up with you. This is why you explode and give yourself migraines when you miss each other on the phone.
Take some time and decide. Can you forgive him for hurting you? If so then do it, you have to for your own sake. If you can't then hard as it is then you have to move on.
Oh and don't use your phone when you drive, it's very dangerous and stupid.
Good Luck!! xx
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