A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi, me and my girlfriend were steady for almost 2 years. I loved her so much and consider her my first true love. In the beginning i fucked up when she said no when i asked her out and i ran back to my ex and then realized it was a mistake and that i wanted to be with her and if she would give me a second chance I would do anything to prove that it was her I wanted to be with. She was pretty pissed when she found out about me hooking up with the ex, but she gave me a second chance and we dated. She is so amazing and i loved her so much it was so great in the beginning we had little fights but could never stay mad at each other. Then we started becoming distant and fighting a lot and i kind of felt put down cause she never trusted me and never really was positive because her mother is so negative and i dont think this is her fault, but it got to be a little too much and i always felt like i wasnt good enough so i started talking to another girl but then realized all i wanted was her again. Then we got back together soon after that but again we started fighting so much and would just yell and never let anything go and again it ended pretty badly. she told me all she wanted was my time and my heart and i just felt so hopeless at that point that i said i didnt think i could give that to her. So we broke up...She started talking to another a guy and put pictures up of them and this really hurt me. I started talking to another girl because I was just so angry with her and ignored her and thought life was much better without always being accused. But i hadn't really dealt with the break-up and still really havent. I called her one night and we talked without arguing for 6 hours till the morning and i loved it i loved talking to her like normal again we hadnt talked like that in a while. This new girl i started going out with only a month after me and my ex and i broke up and i really like her she trusts me and doesnt accuse me but she is 2 years younger than me. Anyway in the midst of her being there so much i fell for her and now i have strong feelings for her. But i saw my ex and i made out with her i told her she would always have a hold on me, and then i realized it was wrong to do to my current girlfriend and so i told my ex it wasnt the right time for us to be together and it wouldnt be fair to my current girlfriend if i just left her when she hasnt done anything wrong. The thing is i feel like the relationship between me and her is how me and my ex were in the beginning, but could being 2 years younger and still a junior in high school be a problem? After i said this to my ex she said she just gets emotional and that she doesnt think i can be regular in her life while im dating another girl. I'm so confused. I love my ex so much and probably will always love her. And was honestly angry at her until the night we talked. But now she doesnt talk to me at all and last time we did we started doing the blame game again, and we just put each other down and we dont mean to, she finally said she wasnt going to be a part of what i was doing any more and that was because i didnt tell my current girlfriend that i even talked to my ex let alone made out with her. I feel so depressed without her and its like this new girl takes my mind off everything and when im not around her i miss it. Am i just trying to fill the void of my ex? I feel she is so pushed away by me now as she doesnt contact me at all. My main dilemma is will this slowly start killing me as a lot of things still arent resolved between us and finally last time we talked i just said maybe they never will be.. my current girlfriend is great, she makes me laugh, and is just nice, she doesn't accuse me or make me feel put down like my ex did but i miss her so much and im afraid that by just technically "replacing" her will only slowly kill me.I love her but i can somehow feel its not the same as it is my ex but why would it be she's not the same person, but i just love that we can hang out and be happy just like my ex were, but when me and my ex did fight she stuck it out so much and im afraid that this is only the honeymoon stage with this new girl and that when times get rough she won't stick around. I really do miss my ex... is this bad to be in a relationship while i still miss her? I've already lied to my current girlfriend countless times but i just dont want to mess anything up with her. I'm about to graduate with my 2 year degree in college and she is still only a junior and 17 in high school. I think that i can make it without my ex girlfriend but i feel like i cant even talk to her now without it being hopeless (but this could also be because i have a new girlfriend that shes not happy about) i told her maybe we need these relationships to ultimately make us stronger when we get back together but i told her now isnt the right time. I would want to start over with her and make things so right with her again but i am just so lost.Will not resolving things with her while currently being in relationship slowly get to me and i'll eventually break? Thanks for the help.
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female
reader, Aussie girl  +, writes (9 January 2010):
 I think you already know the relationship with your current girlfrind is doomed, you have been trying to use her as a replacement for your ex and it's just not working huh?Like I said before, she's your first love and you will always have feelings for her, but if you are still constantly thinking of her and now trying to imagine your new girlfriend as your ex, then maybe she's not only your first love, but your only love?Your new girlfriend has no reason to even think that she has a reason to not trust you, did your ex have a valid reason to mistrust you?I think you should probably tell your current girlfriend you need a break, and be honest with her and tell her that you still have feelings for your ex, yes it's going to be hard but at least you will be being honest, and if you're scared to tell her face to face, write her a letter, tell her that you love her but you still have those feelings for your ex and that you are trying to do the right thing.Try and avoid contact with both of them for awhile so you can really go over this in your head about who you want to be with, if neccessary write a list of the good and bad parts about a relationship with each of them.At the minute it's a bit like you want your cake and be able to eat it too, sad fact is you can't, and it's not fair on either girl that you are stringing them along, and it's also not doing you much good either is it?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the reading my post i know it was kind of long, and you are right about a lot of things. The thing is when i saw her i didnt just want a hook-up i love her and i just couldnt resist her. That is the same thing my ex girlfriend told me she told me that my new girlfriend wouldnt trust me so much if she knew i kissed my ex girlfriend and she wouldnt be nice to me if she knew i was lying to her. Im just so confused i want my ex but at the same time there is so much there (hurt wise) and it just scares me. I want to make it work with this new girl but its already been 2 months in and i told my ex everyday i loved her and night before that i wanted to start over (when she talked to me) In think in a bad way i find comfort in knowing that she doesnt even suspect me of anything she TRUSTS me all the time if i tell her im doing something or might be a little late she says its ok. Which is not what my ex did my ex always suspected me. I try to hard to forget about my ex but i dont and honestly right now i think im trying to convince myself that this new girl is my ex and trying to put all my feelings for my ex on her and make it a perfect relationship, but i might be screwed with that. But do you think if i am caught in a lie with my current girlfriend that the relationship is doomed to failure or do you think it already is by me already cheating on her with ex?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2010): First of all, she's your first love so you will always have some feelings for her. But it sounds like you guys had alot of ups and downs during your relationship, and right now you're remembering and missing all the good parts, it also seems she had trust issues with you, and once trust is broken it can be pretty hard to get it back, so when you weren't able to fully committ to her she has obviously taken that as you wanting to still see your ex or other girls.Ask yourself why you weren't able to give your heart to her? Did you want to be able to see other girls?
When she put photo's up of another guy that would have been to hurt you, the same as you started talking to another girl to get back at her, think about how you felt when you saw those pictures, that's pretty much how she would have felt when you weren't able to committ to her.
When you had your 6 hour conversation it was easy and relaxed because there was no pressure, and your ex obviously still has feelings for you and maybe had hopes of you guys getting back together again, but when you couldn't tell your new girlfriend that you had even spoke to her, she then realized that she was now the other woman and I dont blame her for pulling it to a stop, how would you feel if it was reversed? If you thought you had a chance of getting back with your ex, but all she really wanted was to hook up with you every now and then behind her boyfriends back? And if you are constantly lying to your current girlfriend, where is this relationship going to lead? What happens when you get caught out? And maybe your current girlfriend is so "nice" because she doesn't know the real you? How "nice" would she be if you started telling her the truth all the time? And if you think this relationship is purely to make you and your ex stronger for when you do eventually get back together, then you're just using your current girlfriend.It sounds more like you loved your ex so much and it scared you, you're still very young and maybe you just weren't ready for such a big commitment at your age, which is normal, but you need to be open and honest with your girlfriend and if in the back of your mind you see yourself with your ex, then you shouldn't be with your current girlfriend.
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