A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend just moved down to Florida three weeks ago for college. I drove down there with him and stayed for a week before flying back up. For the first week I was home, there was minimal communication, then we started skyping every night. It's been another week since that started. I'm starting to get the feeling I might be bugging him a bit.He's doing all this school stuff and mine doesn't start for another month, so I text him in the morning and a few times throughout the day. Last night, he told me he was going to sleep, so I said goodnight, then at 3am, I saw him in my feed on facebook, so I texted him, asking if he was having a hard time sleeping - as soon as I sent it, I got the feeling that he didn't want to talk. His reply was very brief and that conversation lasted maybe four texts. This morning, I asked if I'd bothered him last night, he said no - he was just tired and irritable. So we start talking about a movie I'd seen the night before - he doesn't reply for a while, then about an hour later, gives me a 'lol' as a reply to a large text I'd sent him. I asked if he was busy, he said 'yes'. So, I said 'Okay, I'll stop pestering you then' so he could get back to whatever he was doing. Instead of saying 'okay' or anything like that, he asked what I was up to. I waited about half an hour before replying (so he could work a bit) that I was watching a movie, and that I didn't mind waiting to talk if he was still busy. He replied very briefly, which confused me because he'd made an effort to keep conversation going, but now was acting like he didn't want to talk. A text later, he said he was going to go take a nap, and I haven't heard anything since.My question: What is going on? I feel like I'm bothering him, but every time I ask, he says I'm not. Whenever I offer to leave him be, he insists on keeping the conversation going, but when that happens, he acts like he doesn't want to talk. If he doesn't want to talk, why does he not let me go when I offer to leave him along for a bit? Ideas? For the moment, I'm just not going to send him anything else and just ask about it tonight on skype.Also, there's a chance I may just be reading too much into it, I guess. It's just a large change from how often we texted when he lived only twenty minutes away instead of seventeen hours.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2011): What is going on?
You have become a long distance couple. I think it's the big picture that matters here, not the content of his texts or conversations with you.
I don't think it's that he doesn't care for you, or he's irritated, it's just that it's incredibly difficult and exhausting to sustain a relationship via skype and texting. These communications can't replace real presence.
Your situation sucks. I've had a relationship fizzle out only because we went from 15 minutes to 1 hour away. Presence matters and I think the fact that he's in university and busy also matter. He should be busy and be exploring his new life in Florida.
I'd readjust your expectations. It might be unrealistic to expect a college freshman to give up a piece of every evening to speak to you via skype. I might consider broaching the topic of breaking up and start trying to accept it. If you talk about it, at least that way it won't end in drama and hurt feelings between the both of you.
Good luck.
A
female
reader, silenced +, writes (5 August 2011):
 Ah, I'm exactly like you are and my boyfriend is just like yours.
I think the best thing to do is just wait for his replies and text back accordingly. Also, try not to wait on his texts. Just text back when you notice his texts and don't expect him to text back right away.
You're probably reading too much into it, as I always do, and I think if you just wait for his replies without asking if anything is wrong or if he wants to be left alone, then he may open up about what he's doing or why he's taking a bit.
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