A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:What to do. My second Husband has issues accepting my kids for a long time. He has kids I give 100% to his. We have been all going out together and things have been better to the point I may be ready for us all to move in together. Last Sunday I had my kids on their own without his for the first time in a long time. I asked him the day before if we would take them to the cinema he agreed. I went out with his kids that day. Come Sunday my kids were due back from their Dads at ten we were due to go to the cinema at half ten. I saw my Husband was watching the rugby world cup final. I asked him what was happening. He said he wanted to watch that could we go to the cinema later. I said no because its a pound a ticket at the kids club I cant afford £4 each later. (I pay for everything for my kids).He said would you mind. I said I am disappointed but I can understand you want to watch it. I said I was taking the kids to look around the toy shop after the film shall we meet you.He said I dont want to buy anyhthing in the shop so no. I said I am not buying anything either its to let the kids look around. He said what time will you be back. I said when film finishes and we look around shop. I was bit miffed as I go everywhere with his kids. I texted him when we came out of the cinema as I thought the rugby would be over. I said do you want to come to the shop. He said can you come and get me in half hour I have not even showered I was cleaning the fridge(he has OCD and rugby finished an hour and half before). Plus he said I want to go shopping this pm. I said ok I will come and get you. I though about his statement about shopping thought if I go and get him he may not want to go to the toy shop and be grumpy as he used to be so kids would be sad blame him and problems start again. So I texted him said I will take the kids to the toy shop for half an hour then come and get you to go shopping. He rung me after fifteen mins in the shop saying where are you I said I texted you. He said I am ready now though you are messing me around with the arrangements. I said I dont see how ten mins make a difference I just wanted the kids to go to the toy shop I am trying to please you all. It went into an argument. I felt really down afterwards in the past I spent so many times doing things on my own while he did his own things. I always have been good with his kids he was terrible with mine he said it is more difficult when they are not flesh and blood I dont agree. My little boy hated him as they thought he didnt want them around. I would nag him he would try for a few weeks then it would go back. Lately it has felt better as I have arranged to have my kids the same day as his so we have gone to the zoo etc. This is the first day in ages i had my kids on my own with him and I felt it was history repeating itself of his reluctance to join in where my kids are concerned. When I was trying to talk through it later he said he was going to come but I felt he did not want to come, he did say other remarks such as I did not want to waste the petrol going to the toy shop when I did not want to buy anything. He also said Sunday is his day for catching up on jobs as he has his kids sat. I feel let down he says I am blowing it out of proportion?
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your reply. I work full time and have no me time he works full time but goes to the gym three times a week in eve mostly when my kids are there. He does nothing with them. My kids are with me Mon Thurs and Fri and every second sunday when I would like us to do family things he has his sat and asks for them no more, all but the second sunday with mine are school days so I never get to go anywhere with them thats special.
A
female
reader, thinkb4  +, writes (25 October 2011):
Honestly,having read this I think you are with the wrong man. He or most men wont love step kids as if they was their own,but most do manage to treat them the same and eventually can bond,but he doesnt want to. I feel sorry for you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2011): I can understand him not going to the shop with you, promising to go to the cinema and then not is not good though.
If your kids live with you (its not clear) and I assume your husband does, then he does see them on a daily basis and his children alot less frequently.So I can understand him wanting to do stuff with them and you being involved.I can also understand him wanting 'me time' especially if he works all week.
Its always going to be difficult, having step-children but with patience it can work. You both knew the situation and both have to work at it for the children.Yours may have enjoyed the cinema trip with just Mum - its good to have quality time.
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