A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:Well here it goes, i am having a problem. i don't know if i am bi or not. i like boys, infact i like boys alot but for a few years now i have been finding myself attracted to girls. i start having thoughts of being in a female-female relationship. There is a girl i like and she is also bi and i want to confide in her and tell her what i have been feeling about her but im worried it is just a phase i am going through. But i honestly do think i am bi. please help me.xx Reply to this Question
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female
reader, doublethink +, writes (30 July 2006):
 I'm not sure I believe in phases, but I think we have to believe you if you say you're bisexual - you should know! If you're attracted to girls, you're attracted to girls. If you're attracted to boys too, so be it! Remember the important thing is that you're attracted to the PERSON, not just the contents of their pants!If you're not sure, that's ok - no-one says you have to be. But as you're not sure, I think you should tread carefully. Could you talk to this girl about your uncertainty regarding your sexuality? She might have some ideas on how it feels to be bi. You could talk to her about being attracted to someone without telling her it's her - honesty is not the best policy if it's unnecessarily hurtful.I don't think it's all about sex, though - don't get hung up on 'sucking pussy'. I identify as gay - not bi, even though there are men whom I find attractive, and I do have fantasies about men. I just LIKE women so much more - I'm attracted to women emotionally as well as sexually, and for me that's the major thing.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2006): Why are you looking to label yourself? My good friend just calls herself "greedy". You have curiousity? Scratch it!!
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A
female
reader, willywombat +, writes (27 July 2006):
 Hey little miss hot advice dont PM me to send abuse.
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A
female
reader, willywombat +, writes (27 July 2006):
By the way HOT I was being sarcastic....just in case you didn't get it.
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A
female
reader, Wendyg +, writes (27 July 2006):
 Hot, I would not entirely agree with that statement of yours... I can see of late your getting pretty upity on here soemone upset you ?
My friend who is female, as had relationships long term with both sexes, so yes it is possible to like both, why cant we like both ? My friend had a 2 year relation with a female and then later on a 3 year with a male. Shes Currenlty with a girl as the last relationship didnt work out. She says that its different and that she cant say which sex she prefers just happens to fall in love with either sex, I cant see the harm or the shame in it.
If you know shes bi or she thinks shes bi then why not metion to her that you like certain thigns about women and take it from there, gradually build on it and see if shes interested and what her thoughts are. Unless you act on it you will not know for sure!
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A
female
reader, willywombat +, writes (27 July 2006):
Good to see that Hot can give you some good and objective advice.
Does it matter if you are bi or not. If you wish to have a relationship with another individual of either sex then that is your choice and you shouldn't look for 'permission' on this website as you can see some people cannot give objective advice. *f**ked in the head indeed*
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A
female
reader, Hot (Advice) +, writes (27 July 2006):
 I don't beleive in being Bi, you either like one or the other. So called bi' poeple are f***kd in the head as they have a loss of self identity themselves. THere is no such thing as being 'bi', you obviously have issues you need to resolve here, something to do with yourpast? I don't care if people disagree with me here on this one, I'm not starting a debate you know (why is it that on here people like doing that anyway, it's as if they need to justify themselves etc and all that crap!)No wonder the world and relationships are in a state..
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A
female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (27 July 2006):
 It sounds like pretty much a normal phase. You don't say how old you are, but I'd guess 15-17?
Lots of girls around high school age experiment with their sexuality, but only a tiny proportion actually decide that they prefer the same sex. It's relatively harmless, and, I might add, excruciatingly fashionable right now to play at being bi or gay. But don't be too quick to pigeonhole yourself as one thing or the other, at least until a few years have gone by and you realise that you haven't had any attractions to men in all that time, and you're sure that it's who you are.
After all, who needs to know, except the woman you want to be with?
Enjoy your attractions, experiment with girls and with guys when you're inclined to, but don't feel like you have to label yourself.
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A
female
reader, Jadzia1127  +, writes (27 July 2006):
 This is a hard thing to counsel and direct in a few paragraphs.
The media pushes and sells the seductive angle on the girl on girl action. Also misrepresenting the whole gay or bi relationship.
The truth is you can care for and even love someone of the same sex without wanting to have sex with them.
The whole bi or gay orientation does comes down to sex. For a girl if the whole thought of sucking pussy is not your passion then you are not bi or gay. Then you should treasure and enjoy your friendship but keep it as a friendship.
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