A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Five years in an interracial relationship with a man fifteen years older than me. I thought I loved him but now, I'm unsure. Holiday season is depressing. I've never been invited to a family dinner or functions and I hate it. My friends are always with their boyfriends AND their families and I want thd chance to see how that feels. Well, I wanted to, now I'm pretty much numb. He claims to love me and we've had happy times but I want a more normal relationship. He doesn't seem to get it. He rarely talks about anything serious concerning us. I've met his mom (after four years), his siblings but one day he practically kicked me out of his house so I would not meet his dad. I'm frustrated. Now, I refuse to visit him. Does he bother asking why? Nope. It's gotten so bad, I don't even want sex with him. It's gotten so bad, I've been spending timd with my Ex cause with him, I was totally involved with his family and I enjoyed that. I don't want him back or plan to cheat but I like feeling valued. His brother and I are good friends and his daughter used to call me mommy...He's of my race and I also didn't worry about him being secretly ashamed...this is sick and really goes against what I believe but now, I wonder if I'm not better off leaving and dating within my own culture/race. I hate myself
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2014): You just had the bad fortune of falling for a man with a close minded family. This isn't about race as it is about ignorance. It's not because they are of a different race that they don't accept you, it's because they are ignorant. My cousin (she's white) married a black man from Africa. My aunt and my uncle (her parents) are white. My aunt is from the South, my uncle is from the Northeast. Both went to Ivy League schools and are very successful in their field. My cousin, who is blonde and blue eyed like her father, got her Phd from an Ivy League school as well. Her parents love their son in law from Africa. My whole family does. They just had their second child together. Their kids are adorable. The reason I am sort of name/career dropping is for you to understand an important point. Education and achievement often undermines hate and ignorance. When you go dumpster diving you are bound to pull out garbage. Set your sights higher. This has nothing to do with your race. Nothing's wrong with you. They are the problem, not you. Don't avoid people of a different race based on this one experience. But DO avoid people who are ignorant, no matter what their race. Because their ignorance is the only factor causing this problem for you. Whatever race you choose, set your sights high. Find someone educated, open minded, worldly. These factors will likely prevent you having to deal with something like this in the future.
A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (22 December 2014):
What culture and race is love?? As "Anonymous" said, respect is the key. You cannot love someone you don't respect.
All men have the same body parts on the outside, but the inside is what makes the difference.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2014): You need to date someone who is proud of you and respects you. Culture or race doesn't come into it.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (22 December 2014):
I'd say your problem is not with your race being different, its your boyfriend... He's just not the one. The best guy for you will be proud of you regardless of what their family will think.
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