A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi guys,Background story: me and my boyfriend met whilst we were both working evenings in a large fast food company. Neither of us planned to stay there. I got the opportunity of a daytime management position at another company. He pushed me to go for it with the promise that he'd also find another day time job. He half heartedly looked for the first month or so but since just hasn't bothered. We've recently moved in together. Since getting my new job we hardly get to spend time together. We occasionally get 1 or 2 nights off together. He comes home st 1 in the morning and I'll wake up and chat to him etc even though I have To be up for work at 6am. The problem coming between us now is his priorities. Namely I feel like I'm last after his family and his job. His boss will ask him to work on his night off and he'll agree then tell me in the morning when Iv been looking forward to spending the evening together. Then at weekends during the day since he's the only one in his family with a car they are constantly calling him to take them shopping, take them to visit someone. I didn't mind before when we always saw each other but I feel that those few hours a day he should spend with me when it's all we have? I don't see why he can't take them shopping during the week when he's at home all day doing nothing.... He does this to me constantly often with the promise he'll be an hour max and he's gone at least four. .... Bearing in mind usually when I know we need shopping for our home I'll pick it up after work and struggle on the bus home with it. Today he had to take his family to another city around 2 hours away he promised he'd be back for 5. I've got flu but had to go into work because everyone else had already called in sick. 5pm comes and he's still there because they want to stay. So here I am sick and coming home alone in the cold and dark to a cold and empty house yet again. I just feel like it's the last straw.I love him a lot, we live together and I look after our home, I'm good with him, we're happy together except when we argue over this stuff. I earn more than him and I keep quiet about the fact he gives money to his family even though I'm paying most of our bills. I don't know if I'm being demanding or unreasonable. I'm not saying he shouldn't love his family or spend time with them. I just feel when we live together and talk about our future together then sometimes our relationship should be the priority. I'm sick of feeling pushed out and alone. I feel like I'm basically single. I should probably also add that his family weren't happy about him moving out and his dad basically told him that he should be at home financially contributing and driving them around since they were the ones who paid for his driving lessons. They never invite me when they call him to come and drive them round, they never invite me to their house and in the two months since we've moved in together not once have they visited despite being invited. They didn't ask whether we needed help or anything. Thanks
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (4 November 2016):
 If he is called in to work it is hard to say no, as you want to keep your employer happy so I wouldn't take this out on him. Also yes it is unfair on you when you barely see each other. But am sure he is feeling the pressure as well. He is wanting to help his family and also he wants to keep you happy and off course that is going to put a strain on your relationship. It does sound like his family rely on him a lot and yes that might be a problem in your relationship. If this has always been the case then he may not change and you may need to ask yourself if this relationship is going to work for you.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2016): I think he may be feeling pulled in two directions. His family sound uncaring and selfish and if they've always been this way, then your boyfriend might find it hard to stand up to them. He may find it easier to do what they want and argue with you, rather than do what you want and argue with them.
It sounds as if you are at the end of your tether now and have had enough. I would suggest a serious but calm talk with him. He may not realise just how much this is affecting you.
Your relationship together should be his first priority and paying his fair share of the bills or getting another, better paid job.
I think that if this goes on, that resentment will start to get in the way of how you feel for him.
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