A
female
age
36-40,
*lantie
writes:Hello, I am having some real problems and I came here to get some advice.I have been with my boyfriend for a year and 3 months-we were good together for the better part of the time together.He's 39,lives with his parents (Grrrrrrr),and doesn't seem to be moving out anytime soon.Anyway,I love him and I know he loves me too but I am not sure I can live like this anymore.He gives me money sometimes,if I am low on cash he will bail me out.The problem is he never gives me gifts-no birthday-valentines day and no xmas.I always send him cards and photos and he appreciates them and loves getting those.This bothers me because he takes great interest in his mother and sisters birthdays! He is always telling me what he bought for them and it hurts. I try to talk to him but he thinks I am being unfair. I honestly feel left out and at times I feel like I am just an option in his live-and at the same time he's priority in my life.Am I being unfair for wanting my boyfriend to value me as much as he does his mother and sisters? Should I break it off and move on? Or should I give it a little more time-if so,how much more?Thanks
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male
reader, ReturningtheFavor  +, writes (10 January 2010):
Take it from a man who knows this exact situation. I am a man and we are thick headed. Your relationship is very young and it takes a man a long time to understand a woman and get acquainted to what she expects. I know because i have spent the better part of ten years learning how to stay out of the doghouse so to speak. Give him a chance to learn and develop in your relationship. As men we dont pick up on these things quickly, and we just dont plain understand what women want, even when you clearly tell us. As for the age and living at home, there are many reasons for this maybe bad past relationship, socially akward or maybe he just has not found the right woman(not saying that you arent) Continue to loving push and prod him, eventually he will understand! No matter what happens in love and in life be true to yourself, and DO what makes YOU happy! Life is about happiness and if you have it, HOLD ON TO IT! Hope this helps!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2010): Hey, It seems like he loves his family, and that is fine just as long as you get more (or at least the same amount) of attention. If he has the money to buy his sister and mum gifts then he should be able to get you a birthday card or cute inexpensive gifts (I imagine you are not wanting OTT expensive items). It doesn't cost much to show a little appreciation to the one you love and he just does not seem to be doing that. Also, at 39 he should not have such strong ties to his family. Sure visit and them and spend time with them but living with them is just a bit much. You are very young- find someone who appreciates you. As a life partner this guy looks like he wont amount to much- and will put his birth family before you which in the long run will cause problems.
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A
female
reader, Plantie +, writes (9 January 2010):
Plantie is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks.I am seriously thinking about calling it quits.
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