A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Here we go...I am having a communication problem with my boyfriend of a year and a few months, and I don't know if it is me being clingy and needing to talk or its something else.Our normal week consists of him driving a hour and a half to my house on a Friday or Saturday and staying with me until Tuesday morning when we part and go to work, so roughly it's about 4/5 day stay - now when he goes home we hardly ever talk - because!- he likes his distance.- I work at 10-4, he works 4-12, so unless he called me at 1 in the morning we really aren't talking. I have found myself to be completely dependent on him, like I want him to call everyday but in reality I know there isn't anything to talk about after the first half and hour. and I also like my space but I feel as though I want to talk to him I need to talk to him to be a comfort thing and I can feel safe around him.But let me say when he does call or I call him he returns my call if I didn't catch him in time and when we do talk it's always 2-5 hour conversations.We also have a 7 year age difference I'm 21 he's 28. and he hates cell phones and doesn't own one.Am I being fair? or should I talk to him about this? any advice? I'm open to everything. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (10 January 2011):
 It sounds to me like you have became dependant on your boyfriend and this is never good in a relationship you need to be independant as well as being part of a relationship. You both spent a lot of the week together so just enjoy that time together and when he does leave on a tuesday use your spare time to go out with friends and socialise and dont depend on him to lead your life. You need to have a life outside of this relationship and to me it sounds like you just want to be with him 24/7. Go out with friends or pick up hobbies make a new life for yourself outside of this relationship and then when you do see him you will have plenty to talk about. If you become to clingy and needy he will eventually get fed up.
A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (10 January 2011):
 A few things..In your LDR, you're very fortunate to see your boyfriend for a 4-5 day stay. Most LDRs don't have that luxury. Secondly, on the days 2-3 that you two don't see each other there's not much time for communication but when you two do talk you have exceptionally long conversations. (men hate being on the phone) So I really see no problem here other than you're slightly clingy and needy. No offense, really. But your boyfriend is doing everything humanly possible to make sure he spends time with you and chats with you. Like you said there is a time when you need your distance and a little time apart. If he doesn't talk to much in 2-3 days, no biggie..you'll see him Friday. Now, if you find yourself bored or needing to talk to someone when he doesn't answer there's always your friends, or family!
I also think that you're not liking the distance too much, you would rather have him around. Do note, LDRs don't last forever and one or the other has to cave and move so you two can be together. How long have you two been together? Has there been any discussion of moving in together? LDRs do have a high level of commitment, talks of marriage, a future, etc. otherwise you're just wasting your time.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (10 January 2011):
A few things..In your LDR, you're very fortunate to see your boyfriend for a 4-5 day stay. Most LDRs don't have that luxury. Secondly, on the days 2-3 that you two don't see each other there's not much time for communication but when you two do talk you have exceptionally long conversations. (men hate being on the phone) So I really see no problem here other than you're slightly clingy and needy. No offense, really. But your boyfriend is doing everything humanly possible to make sure he spends time with you and chats with you. Like you said there is a time when you need your distance and a little time apart. If he doesn't talk to much in 2-3 days, no biggie..you'll see him Friday. Now, if you find yourself bored or needing to talk to someone when he doesn't answer there's always your friends, or family!
I also think that you're not liking the distance too much, you would rather have him around. Do note, LDRs don't last forever and one or the other has to cave and move so you two can be together. How long have you two been together? Has there been any discussion of moving in together? LDRs do have a high level of commitment, talks of marriage, a future, etc. otherwise you're just wasting your time.
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A
female
reader, petina1  +, writes (10 January 2011):
 its the long distance thing as well as the length of conversations by the sounds of it. You could possibly run out of things to say during the same week after a2 -5 hourly converstion over the phone. It's not as if you are watching a tv programme together and discussing that. You need to have some time to live your life for a few days and then discuss that. So I'd say conversation dries up on that respect. you could make the calls a bit less and save some things for the next one. the age you are at shouldnt make a difference. You sound a little paranoid. You could move closer, move in together, change your job hours to suit, or find something that gets you together a bit more.
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