| Am I being selfish for wanting something for myself and my partner, rather than having our lives revolve around the in-laws? |
| | Question - (18 March 2011) | 0 Answers - (Newest, ) | A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have been married and living 100 miles away from my home town for 23 yrs now. 3 yrs after i married my mum died. I came from a large family but since mum died i haven't had much to do with them - they argue and fall in and out a lot so i don't want to get hurt again like before.My in-laws have never been supportive - they would never oblige me the seldom time i asked a favor - so i quit asking - which seemed to suit them!They had no problem asking for help when they needed work doing at their house.Because i didn't drive in the early years i had to depend on my husband to take me once a week to do the shopping (in the evening) and if i asked about going xmas or clothes shopping for the kids he would say "ill have to see if mum or dad need something done first and then we'll see"I now have my children raised and off at college so I thought we'd have a little quality time for us now - i had a hysterectomy 2 years ago after a number of years of bad health.My in-laws have never made me part of their family - especially my mother in law. She has passed comment on my weight in the past (when i had figure) and now buys me vouchers for an over size shop (where elderly people also like to shop)for xmas and birthdays. She is obsessed with her own weight and always talking about weight - its uncomfortable to be around her so i keep my distance and keep to myself - i seldom visit.There is no remarks passed on me not visiting and when there is a family gathering we are often forgotten about!I feel very lonely at times because i've never made friends here because i've always been home with the kids and live in a rural place.My husband would go to football with the kids most evenings in the good weather after work and i would just get so depressed and lonely.I know i wasn't tied down with a rope but my whole confidence just got lost gradually and i feel ashamed of my weight - i'm not a massive eater but i enjoy proper food - i know my downfall is exercise and motivation. I've also had a high blood sugar reading.The thing is i do need a "partner" to go walking with and get out other places - i'm not leaving the house now at all (find it hard to get myself together to go shopping once every 2-3 weeks) and haven't been going out much for years. I could count the number of times i've been out socially in 20 years - not joking! My in-laws are very socially active pensioners (i wouldn't have minded half their social life)but have had some health problems recently. I have tried to help although they give no recognition - but i don't want my life to revolve around them - i'd like a little something for myself now and a partner to share it with. Am i being selfish?
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