A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:HI there, ive been seeing my boyfriend for nearly 9 months. Everythings great apart from the fact that he's not got a job, he has been temping but in the time ive been with him its just been 3 jobs. Im begining to feel that im resenting him. I want us to do things as a couple and im sick of paying for everything and if i dont we cant do anything. He is a graduate in IT and i know he has been trying but he's not getting anywhere. I love him so much but im getting so annoyed with him and it making me miserable. Do i walk away? Or am i being selfish. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Dazzerg +, writes (20 March 2008):
 I think the other two posters have it about right; both points of view are understandable but the bottom line here is that he is trying, it is not as if he is sitting around doing nothing to improve the situation which is sometimes the case. In this case I would think it is wrong of you to walk away because he is trying, the bottom line again is that the climate is such that this is a bad time to be unemployed; economically people are jittery and in that climate people simply dont hire unless it is absolutely it is necessary.
One avenue that it might be possible to persue is to step up the pressure on the temping agency he is with...is he with an agency?? Agencies are good because they make so much money that they are desperate to get their clients into temp and full time work. Other than that help him out with the local paper and stuff and I am sure it will pass...good luck :)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2008): I don't think your being selfish at all, everyone has needs that their partner needs to fulfil (eg. sexual needs, the need to feel loved etc.). But you've got to understand he's trying. Maybe you could keep an eye out in the newspaper for him, or encourage him to go to your local job centre. Explain that you just feel he needs to get a job as soon as possible if you want to keep happy and satisfied in life as a couple. It must be so hard for him though, having no job can be tremendously stressful, so you've got to be careful how you say things about it to him. Whether he shows it or not, I'm sure inside there will be a constant nagging worry about money and other issues. But remember that this won't last forever, and at some point (hopefully soon) he WILL get a job, and he'll thank you and love you so much for helping him and supporting him through a tough time. Good luck :]
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2008): Well at the moment i know what your bloke is going through. I lost my job at the end of November and have been temping on and off ever since. It is impossible for me to get a job, yet i have loads of qualifications. I thought i would step straight into a job, but no way. I have been doing little temp jobs in the most shitty of places to get some cash. Right now i am not working and my money is running out fast. Hubby took a smaller paid job and we have a mortgage and two teenage lads to bring up (both from previous relationships), life is a struggle and i have cried my eyes out once today. Please stop being so selfish and see life from his point of view. Believe me, if the boot was on the other foot, how would you feel? Crap. When we marry someone (i'm not saying to your to marry him or anything) but we take the person 'for better or for worse' and that is how it is in a relationship. If you are sick of the situation and you dont want to carry on paying then go, but i think you will be very shallow if you take this path. Mail me if you want.
take care
xx
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