A
female
age
30-35,
*ophiebrown94
writes:I feel like i'm going through a bit of an internal crisis and i can't understand why i can't just be happy. I'm 23 and only been with my boyfriend 7 months, however I knew him for a yr before that. It took me a while to take the plunge and allow feelings for him as previously i hadn't been sure but suddenly i did have all these feelings and ive been so happy since we got together. He is so kind and sweet and loving and makes me feel safe. We have had such a good time together. In the last few months i've been bad with my anxiety over my eyes which i've been getting therapy for but it's been raising for me a lot of questions about happiness and what I want. I just don't seem to be able to be content with him or fully invested.... almost like i'm bored.... i want so bad just to be happy and content but it's like it's not enough and if another man tries to talk to me i feel very guilty even if its just friendly. He is so kind and i wanna be happy so bad. My issue is i can't tell if this is all just my head and being self sabotaging or whether i just don't have strong enough feelings for him. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2018): Set realistic terms for happiness. You will not feel happy and full of glee 24/7. There will be dull moments.
Get a leash on your anxiety, or see your therapist until you can. Double-down on pushing your self to believe you deserve to be happy and to be loved. He is doing everything voluntarily. You're not tricking him into it.
You ARE happy! Look at all the nice things you say about him and how you get along. You will have ups and downs. You will disagree. The test of a relationship is its endurance. Being able to survive the boring times, the hard-times; and resolving disagreements with compromise and understanding. Being patient, forgiving, and kind to each other.
No love is perfect. Don't look for the bad, or you will find it. Even worse, you will create it just to fulfill your self-fulfilling prophesy something has to go wrong. Things will go wrong; then they go right again. That's how relationships work when you love each other.
Just love each other. You deserve it, sweetheart!
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (17 April 2018):
 I don't know what contributed to your anxiety so I am guessing it was your upbringing or a stressful relationship in the past. Something in your life trained you to think that drama and excitement is love. Peacefulness is boredom. It is as if you want a boyfriend who would whisk you off to a faraway place to make you forget about your past altogether. This will not be realistic.
If you ask most people what happiness is and what they want, the would say your boyfriend. So why would it be so different for you? Don't overthink this because the mind can be overimaginative, it can lure you back into overdrive. When you go into therapy you are taking an effort. Being content is the opposite of effort. It is dropping thoughts, dropping expectations and questions. Instead of making things happen, just gently observe and receive.
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