A
male
age
41-50,
*isyphus
writes:My best friend and I are drifting apart ever since he met his new boyfriend. His new boyfriend is wonderful and all, and has been a great influence upon my best friend and makes him really happy. Before my best friend's new boyfriend we'd hang out all the time, go to the gym together three times a week, watch DVDs et al, but ever since they started dating there just does not seem to be time for me in his life. I can understand that as a couple they need some alone time, but we used to hang out three or four days each week, now we tend to see each other once a fortnight if that. They always seem to find enough time to hang out with the new boyfriend's friends (Tuesday nights and weekends), they can always manage to go out and do things together, but the last time we went out and did something was in December. Am I being selfish in wanting to spend more time with my friend?
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male
reader, Boonridge McPhalify  +, writes (12 October 2008):
 yeah couples like to have fun, but there seem to be two sorts of person out there.those to whom being a couple is an additional priority in their life, and those to whom being a couple is the only priority in their life.the ones who let it take over often are the sort that only need friends when lacking a relationship or going through a bad patch temporarily. you need to find other friends who are less self interested and fickle.maybe he had an attraction to you and the new man has substituted and thats why he does those things with him. has any behaviour of his seemed ambigous in that it crosses a line between friend and love interest and sit neatly on the fence in the middle.good luck
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2008): I presume you are not dating? My dear, once a person finds the other half, priorities may change and the lifestyles as well, to make room for added responsibilities and generally other types of fun, like shopping with the partner or visiting each other's families and other couple's activities. If they don't have much experience in the family department they may want to socialise more with married couples, for example. This of course doesn't mean your friend is excluding you from his life, and on the other hand it is normal that you feel somewhat lonelier, but you should also see it from their perspective - if they are ready to build up a family or plan to do so in the future, they must know each other better and test their capabilities, and Friday night parties won't be as frequent. If you are not in a relationship they may even think you can feel somewhat uneasy to be inviting you, whereas a double date would be more pleasant for both couples. Your freind can't spend as much time with you because his partner is rightfully prioritary, you can however talk on the phone when you can't meet in person but meanwhile entertain your old friendships and create new; when you are engaged with serious intentions you may notice that you yourself will allocate less time to outside-the-couple activities. It's inevitable, lifestyles change to include a partner, and later a child. What you feel is natural as long it is just a feeling, and not a claim. Thus try to expand your own social circle and allow them space and let them grow! I am sure you are already doing so but you must be sure that it is correct. All the best.
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A
female
reader, tayalouise +, writes (10 October 2008):
 You're not being selfish at all.I can understand that your friend wants time with his boyfriend, but he should also make time for you if he values your friendship. Have you talked about how you feel with him? Perhaps you could all do things together so at least you get some time together even if it is with other people around. If he is not willing to make time for you, maybe you should carry on giving them space until they come to find you.
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A
female
reader, josien  +, writes (10 October 2008):
oh so sad thats you feel your loosing your best friend.
it might be that your friend inds the company of the new boyfriend complete with out yah.
but please talk to your friend and find out why your left out.
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