Am I being jealous, or is he abusive?

Am I being jealous, or is he abusive? I just broke up with my finace last night. Three nights ago I went out with my friends and was discussing how I didn't know if I loved him anymore. He was out with his friends somewhere else, and before we parted he said he might stop by. Well, sure enough, he walked in without calling me or texting me. There was an awkward silence. Anyway, he told me that his ex tried to drag him around the bar and introduce him to her friends, and that he got mad at her and said no. He also said that he put the promise ring I gave him on another finger so it didn't look like he was married becasue she asked if he was. Anyway, I got kinda irritated and he said he didn't have to tell me. Then, last night while we were about to have sex (before I broke up with him) he looked at his phone because he got a text message, but hid it so I couldn't see who it was. Then, he showed me and one of his female friends had written "going to the cactus" which is a club in my town. I asked what he sent her before that because it seemed like he would have first asked her what she was doing that night in order for her to answer the way she did. He showed me his phone's sent messages to prove he never sent her anything, and blamed me for accusing him and not trusting him. I guess I really just thought it was bad timing, and I hate when he texts people when we are fighting (he told his other friend I was packing). He also got mad that I had to innocently kiss two guys in a play I was in and called it cheating. He also asks what I wear when I go out, and sometimes hints that my skirt is too short when I'm going out alone with my friends. Then, he'll always ask if guys tried to talk/dance with me. Am I being jealous or is he, or are we both?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2007):

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