A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:One of my best friends is a girl who I have really, really come to like. We spend a lot of time together. Often times I think we spend more time together than her and her boyfriend. And therein lies my problem. I'll admit, it's a common one so I'll refrain from asking the obvious and ask the question that has been eating away at me a bit more lately. Am I being used? Used for the intellectual/supportive role I play. I love this girl, as a friend and (with any luck) more. It's pretty obvious to other people, so I think she knows it too, even though I've never told her outright how I feel. I want more, plain and simple, but keep falling into the same rut when it comes to inaction. This has been bothering me a lot lately and is starting to effect other aspects of my life, so I have to figure this out.Thanks in advance for your advice!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2009): I'm in the same situation with my best guy friend. It's not fun and I've been doing it for a long time (years). I have learned after all this time that it's best to come clean about how you feel in the beginning. Don't wait for her to break up with this guy and then just play it cool and hope that she wants to be with you. You need to come clean right now and tell her exactly how you feel and that you want to be with her. I wouldn't necessarily expect her to say "Oh ok I'll dump my boyfriend today and be with you" but she may, but you've let her know you feel so when she does break up with him she may give you the opportunity you want. Either way you've let her know how you feel and that's the most important because you can't keep these feelings bottled inside it's not good. Especially because I'm assuming you're not fond of hearing about her and her boyfriend and most likely she comes to you with her problems and issues about him? It's painful and frustrating to hear about all the time. So maybe ask her to cut back on the amount of relationship discussion you guys have, there are lots of other things you can talk about besides her relationship I'm sure. I wouldn't say that she's using you, girls like to talk about their problems and she obviously feels comfortable and close enough with you to trust you. I don't think she's doing it on purpose. As far as her spending more time with you than her boyfriend, is that a preference of hers? Is her boyfriend also available during that time to hang out but she chooses to spend it with you? If so that's a big sign that she likes you more than her boyfriend. Be honest with her and let her know how you feel. If she's really you're friend it shouldn't mess up your friendship either, I know that's a common worry when this kind of thing happens. GOOD LUCK!!
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (30 November 2009):
Yep, you are there being nice to her and telling her she's lovely.
Her boyfriend's just there for the lusty stuff on the side.
So if you want her, tell her how you feel, and tell her you can't continue to just be her friend.
Tell her you want to be with her and if she wants to be with you then she can dump her boyfriend and give you a call!
If she does then great, if not then you know where you stand and can move on.
Good Luck!! xx
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