A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My partner and I have been together for nearly 2 1/2 years. Lately, we have been having problems and I am not sure how much more I can handle. I love him so much but he is sending me so many mixed signals lately that I don't know where to start.Our sex life didn't really get off the ground as I found it too painful. It has since been treated, but he now doesn't want to know where penetrative sex is concerned. We haven't had sex in 18 months. The last time we were intimate, I asked him if he wanted to try penetrative sex and he said 'maybe next time' as if he didn't really care and it totally killed the passion. He was previously very attentive, affectionate and passionate. I feel hurt, rejected and as if he doesn't find me attractive anymore. In fact, he really doesn't seem that interested in me at all lately. We haven't seen each other in 1 1/2 month. I spoke to him on Mon eve for the first time in weeks but that was only because his Mum phoned my Mum up in a distressed state thinking he had been in a crash or something (in fact his car had broken down) and I had left a message urging him to call both of us back. However, when he called back he was in a really bad mood. He messaged me the following day asking when a good time to call was. I stated that evening would be good and I haven't heard a thing since. He messages me like I am still his girlfriend and, in fact, on Mon he was saying how much better things will be when we move in together yet weekend after weekend goes by and he doesn't seem to want to see me. What on earth is going on?At the moment, I feel like I am being dangled on a string like a puppet.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2009): I'm afraid to tell you that it does seem that you are being left 'dangling' here. From what you have said, something definately doesn't seem right, and the only person who can really tell you is your boyfriend. There are a few things that you need to get straight with yourself first though1. Do you see a realistic future with this man- forgetting what you want or always thought, can you see yourself living with him, possibly marrying him? (you said you hadn't seen him for over a month, that doesn't seem that committed?)2. Do you feel that your relationship is a balanced one? Can you talk openly to each other? is there trust?I think that you will have to confront your boyfriend, face to face, find out from him what he wants in life, from you what he expects in the future, you mentioned moving in, perhaps a trial period of living together would let you see if you become closer.
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