Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (5 June 2009):
Cool, glad you took it in a the way that it was intended and are thinking about it.
Marriage is no longer a business transaction but it's always a good idea to keep your options firmly open in the back of your head.
Both parties have to go into this with everything on the table and willing to share in all of it too - The bad things as well as the good.
Good Luck!! xx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI am going to do a pre - nup just incase things don't work out. I can see it that in a way I am buying a baby and that was a view I hadn't consdered before. I am very used to a trading kind of lifestyle - I do something for you and you do this for me which probably isn't very loving but has stood me in good stead throughout my life ( at least in business anyway!) Thank you all for your thought provoking views and comments they are much appreciated.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2009): a baby seems to be a natural progression in a marriage. this man has indicated that he doesn't want one with you. can you live with this. is he being selfish?
are you sure this man loves you for you and not for any finances you may bring into the marriage. if you are as wealthy as you say, maybe you should consult an attorney to draw up a pre nup. just be careful i know of some wealthy women having to pay their hbs maintenance when the marriage dissolves.
i think you will start to resent this man as your marriage progresses and your desire for a baby becomes increasingly evident. you will also resent that he has 3 kids, you nothing. you will have "nothing" to call your own.
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female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (4 June 2009):
 If you go ahead with the marriage, get a prenuptial agreement before hand in case things don't work out. They are increasingly respected in UK divorce proceedings by the courts. I recommend this since there seems a financial difference between you and your partner, plus he has a history of relationship breakdown. I think you should seriously consider what is going to happen if you enter this marriage. My concern rests from the transactional nature of your thinking in relation to the marriage - I buy the house, he gives me a baby. If you don't get the baby, will you end up resenting him so much the relationship will fail? Will he resent you and your baby if he is not wanting more children?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2009): You sound like you are quite literally putting a 'price' on your relationship. Whether your rather practical stance is born of emotional coldness is difficult to tell but why would you not buy a house for the two of you anyway - baby or not? If you are wealthy and want to be happy and this is the man you want surely life is too short to play monopoly with love. The way you talk in a resentful way is a bit like my husband - and I'm about to divorce him. I hope you work out your priorities in life.
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female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (4 June 2009):
Well it seems you are willing to pay him for a baby. You can't blame him for not wanting to. He must feel pretty much like a sperm bank at the moment. What else are you going to bribe him for in the future?
Since he has a pretty clear history of abandoning the women he has children with then it would seem you haven't got a great catch here. What makes you think he will stick it out with you and your child? ESPECIALLY given that he only had it for financial gain.
Having kids or not is something you NEED to decide on BEFORE you get married. If he doesn't want any more kids it's fair enough, and if you do then you may want to find a man who is willing to be there for you.
Good Luck!! xx
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2009): No your not being crazy if he doesn't want what you want why are you even marrying him? If you do you will constantly fight. Don't you want to be happy? You shouldn't even be buying a house for him and his kids either thats just ridiculous. Move on find someone who is just as wealthy as you that wants children.
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female
reader, kellyxxx +, writes (4 June 2009):
 You are right in what you are saying! You shouldn't have to spend your money on a house for his kids if you aren't getting something in return! Buy a smaller house if he won't agree to your compromise. X
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