A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Its been almost a year now since my ex broke up with me. He was someone I met through mutual friends, and because of this ive talked to him and still seen him a decent amount since we broke up. And although the break up was one sided, it wasn't nasty and we've both been able to stay in touch and keep friendly. Its been really complicated for me to keep having him pop in and out of my life like this because I think i still miss him. So Im always half glad to run into him and see him again but at the end of the day it still just hurts. This was my first serious relationship so Im trying really hard to move on, but 1) its really hard to get over your first bf, because i dont have the experiences yet to prove that something else, something better might come along 2) we have mutual friends.. good friends, who i wouldnt want to loose over a break up (and thats part of the reason ive worked so hard to be around him in their company and be mature and civil and blah blah blah. its been a growing experience for me to say the least.theres a girl i met through my ex who i recently reconnected with since the break up. we have a lot in common and we've been talking a lot as friends lately which has been nice since she was one of the people i would have been sad to loose touch with over a break up. she invites me to paries, includes me in things and texts me funny things pretty regularly just as good friends would. too be honest the whole reconnection with her was kind of a surprise, but i was glad it happened because i had always considered her a friend. i was talking about this girl to one of my coworkers today (who is also a semi-mutual friend) and she was suddenly very shocked that i mentioned this girl as one of my friends. when i said yes i was and asked why, she said 'well isn't she dating him (my ex)?' i was COMPLETLY shocked by this since its the first ive heard of any of it. my coworker couldnt give me many details though and just kept saying she wasn't sure, and maybe she was wrong. but she said it, and she had to have gotten that impression from somewhere. I dont want jump blindly at a rumour, but i also all of the sudden feel like a complete idiot and im being completely taken.as much as i hate it, i understand that my ex and this girl are both perfectly allowed to date who they like. what troubles me the most now, is that if they are dating eachother now, neither of them has said anything to my face about it. which to me would have been the mature thing to do. because at the end of the day i have a lot of respect for both my ex and this girl as people, or atleast i did .. and thats what i would have expected from them. all the while this girl has really been being very nice to me and i thought we were getting to be better friends. i just dont know what to believe. i feel that the only way i can know for sure is to go to one of them and ask them straight out. but im afraid of bruising my ego even more .. if it isnt true, and they are just friends and i confront my ex about it. i really dont want him to see me as jealous and desperate and still not over him. even if thats partially true, ive done so much to keep my dignity throughout this whole processs i would hate to lose it now. but at the same time, i have to know. its killing me now. i dont know if i should still continue to a friendship with this girl without knowing the truth.i feel that i generally have a good judge of character and this is the first time in my life im nervous that im being taken completely for a fool ... i just dont know how to handle this :/
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2011): hi im the original poster - thanks aunt honesty, i really appreciate your insight :) im so conflicted because i honestly liked this girl as a friend, but now that i have suspicious of her dating my ex i have a ton of jealously and distrust as well. i know the high road would be to try to maintain the friendship since ... as far as i know ... she hasnt done anything malicious towards me. but, can you be friends with your ex's new girlfriend? is that weird? just curious how that might be percieved to some people
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (25 September 2011):
 If I am honest I don't think that she is taking you for a fool. It sounds like she does like you as a person and she probably isn't hiding it from you if she is dating him she probably just doesn't want to make a big deal out of it. Everyone is different on how they handle these things and I guess this is just her way, plus she is showing you that it shouldn't effect your friendship.
But at the same time you said that you need to know. Therefore I think the best thing for you to do is just text her and ask her straight out if she is dating this guy. Allow her to answer it and if she says yes I guess it is up to you what you do from there. But if you need to know then ask her. Avoid asking your ex.
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