A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Just recently I have got back in touch with many of my old school friends via Facebook. One of them (who I shall call J) confessed to me that he had fancied me at school but had been too shy to tell me. I explained to him that I was very flattered but that we would only ever be friends as I have a boyfriend whom I love to pieces. He totally respected that, and seemed offended that I was suggesting there would be anything else going on, but I explained to him that a married family friend confessed to having feelings for me even though he knew I had a boyfriend. The married family friend's confession more or less destroyed our friendship and I didn't want to risk any chance that would happen again.J and I would like to meet up for a drink at Christmas to catch up on old times, but I am worried about what my boyfriend might think. I have been putting myself in his shoes and am not sure I would be entirely happy about my boyfriend going out for a drink with another woman just by themselves, so wonder if really I should be going out for a drink with J? My boyfriend was very understanding, trusting and supportive when I told him about the married family friend's confession and wanted me to continue with my mutual hobby with this man because he knew it made me happy, but I dropped the hobby because people were spreading malicious false rumours that this married family friend and I must be having an affair and the suggestion really hurt me as I am a very moral person who would never risk my relationship with my boyfriend. I just don't want a repeat of that with J, but on the other hand I don't want my life ruled by other peoples' narrowmindedness. This could be a different story though this time because whereas this married family friend is much older than me and married, J is my age and is single. I wonder if my boyfriend would feel more threatened by J because of this.I am always upfront with my boyfriend about things, but if my boyfriend were to reply that he doesn't feel comfortable about me seeing J I think I would feel that I was being dictated to about who I could and couldn't see, yet I know that I wouldn't feel happy about my boyfriend seeing a single woman for drinks (partly because I've heard first hand of men cheating on their partners when drunk). I am being such a hypocrite. I am thinking the only way it would be viable for J and I to meet up would be to meet up with some mutual friends, but none of ours live locally. I also thought of a group of my friends/boyfriend going out together and including J but I think he would feel uncomfortable as he wouldn't know anyone. I want to see J, but I just don't know what to do. Any ideas?
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affair, christmas, drunk, facebook, shy Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2008): Why not ask your boyfriend to join you for coffee/lunch at or towards the end?
This way you're upfront and have not let either down and your boyfriend will not feel threatend.
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