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female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: Hi, I'm a junior in high school and I have a hard-hitting crush on a guy. We both work together, and we hit it off. One day, I was having a really bad day, I had a panic attack during a AP U.S. History test. He knew I liked him, and he decided to kiss me that night. We got together one other night after work and stargazed, and made out in the rain on top of his car. I'm a very talkative person. I'm not very good at keeping secrets, I know this about myself, am unable to control it, but I told a mutual friend about what happened, and that friend made fun of him, and he told me he didn't want to see me. I told him that it was ok, that's who I am, and I can't control that, but that I wasn't going to let any of this affect our friendship or our relationship at work.A couple weeks went by and everything was fine. No awkwardness... we're teenagers working to earn money for college, and my boss doesn't really care what we do (it's fast food) as long as we get our work done. So everything was fine. So the working thing wasn't an issue at all.On new years eve we both had to work and we started talking about the human condition. He's very smart, a senior, taking almost all AP classes (which I like), and he loves (as well as I) to talk about philosophy. We got onto this long discussion on morals, capitalism, the affect our parents have on us... among other things. My parents were gone that weekend and I really wanted to do something with him. Blow of fireworks, go bowling, anything... but he just went home and did homework.Last week I got in the biggest fight I've ever had with my parents. There was no obvious reason for the fight, I think my mother is going through menopause. I just got in my car and drove to where I work. He was working that night (our schedules vary), and I just sat in the corner doing homework. He came up to me and noticed I was shaking (I had been crying) and he talked to me, calmed me down, and got me to go talk to my parents.Afterwards he sent me the most understanding e-mail I have ever gotten. He's not really one to show his true emotions. He's a bit of a control freak. I typed a 1500 word response (I'm wordy), but was too disgusted with it's melodramatics to send it.Last night, after work, I was getting in my car to leave and he asked me to stay and have a serious conversation with him. We had this great debate over everything from the string theory, Einstein, Locke, Freud, Shakespeare, Capitalism, why I have this need to make friends, and why he has a need to understand people so that he can control them. Everything! He looked at me, told me that he really wanted to kiss me, but couldn't because he respected me too much. He knew that he's going off to college in about six months, he's not in a position to have a "girl." I looked at him, shrugging, and said "well, don't kiss me then." Then he kissed me, and we made out for about two hours. It was cold and I started shaking. He started shaking after that because he was really nervous and excited.He told me he was a virgin. I am too. We both decided we weren't ready to have sex. I've had about six boyfriends before, I'm in high school so they weren't really serious.I know this can't go anywhere. I told him I didn't care. He feels guilty. I told me he likes me a lot, but he feels guilty for it. I told him not to feel guilty, we're in high school, that's what you're supposed to do, experiment so that when you can gain more experience for when you do find the "one." He said that it probably wouldn't happen again, it was a one time event because he doesn't let his emotions take the better of his logic. He said it was something about being around me, like he couldn't think straight, he just let his emotions take over.He's a control freak. He asked me not to tell anyone about that night. I agreed.Am I bad person for basically doing the "friends with benefits thing?" I just moved to the state six months, am I just doing this because I want friends? I like him A LOT. I don't care if he kisses me or not. I just want to talk to him. Most of my friends are, for lack of a better word, nerds (in a good way of course, I love them to death), so I can't ask them for advice because they've never been on a date, or even gone with a boy to the dance. I don't think the reason I'm letting him kiss me is because of outside events (i.e. mother, school). I just like him and I don't know what my next course of action should be.
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female
reader, cd206  +, writes (14 January 2007):
 I'm going to try and give you advice here even though I'm not 100% sure I understand the situation. If you think I've got the wrong end of the stick please message me and I'll have another shot at giving you advice.
As far as I can see by friends with benefits you mean a friend who you kiss when you're stressed about stuff. There's nothing wrong with this as long as you're both in the know that it's only about supporting each other and nothing else. And of course that u reciprocate when he's stressed. On the other hand if I've got the wrong end of the stick please let me know and I'll try again!
CD
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2007): What are you a bad person because of the "friends with benefits" thing? Can you answer that? If you can't, then there isn't anything wrong about it and you're not a bad person. However, if you're doing it in hopes to hook up with him as gf/bf in the near future, you should be wary as the guy might not want that. If you're doing it and it hurts someone, then I suggest you move away from it. Alas, if it's all just pleasure you're seeking, while keeping a friendship status with him, then great, do it.
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