A
female
age
30-35,
*onalove
writes:Hi. I'm really confused and need some advice or reassurance! I've had 4 serious relationships and I'm still a Virgin. Simply because I have always been too scared to have sex. I think it's because I have such low self esteem about my body and I don't feel "sexy" enough to have sex. I started to think maybe I was asexual and reading up on it got me a bit scared. I don't think I'm that because I do get feelings for my boyfriend when we do stuff and I do feel horny at times. I also got a scare through my younger teen years and thought I was a lesbian simply because I couldn't have sex with guys. Reading about this asexual thing though, it seems they just have no sexual attraction at all and just want to cuddle. I'm all for cuddling which made me start thinking I was like that but they said they don't masturbate, and I do every now and then. Also they don't kiss much and I like kissing my boyfriend just not all the time. Do you think I could just be scared of having sex and that's the problem? I love pleasing my boyfriend with handjobs/blowjobs and I've had oral a few times and enjoyed it. I don't like to be fingered because it hurts so maybe I'm scared of penetration? I have tried sex with my ex before because I felt me not wanting to was going to ruin our relationship so I was sort of pressured into it and he couldn't get very far in because it hurt a lot, so maybe that has made it worse. I also feel embarrassed to tell my partner that I want oral or whatever. If we're messing about and he starts to rub around that area and asks me if I want to ill just say no because of embarrassment to say yes... I also don't feel the need to moan when it's being performed so I don't want look like I'm not enjoying it.What do you thinks going on in my head?! It's driving me insane and I'm worried.
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female
reader, Scotlass65 +, writes (9 August 2013):
 If you are frightened of just the penetration, why don't you try a sex toy to start with until you start to feel more comfortable with it, please do not fear sex as it can be very enjoyable but you just maybe need to relax a bit more even plenty foreplay but only when you feel the time is right for you..good luck hope it works out well for you
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