A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been really confused lately. I'm 19 years old, I'm a virgin, never even kissed a girl. This is because every single girl I like doesn't see me the same way. I'd understand if it was a few times but it has gone on for years. I don't know what to do anymore. I want a relationship so bad, but no girl seems to be interested. Lately, things have been happening to me. Where before this, I've considered myself to be straight and still do, I've been having thoughts about guys. I've become attracted to some guys I see. This has never happened before. I even started watching gay porn, and like it. I've never been this way. I think I might be bisexual. I've talked to another friend about this, he is also confused like me, and he said I should try it. He even admitted he wouldn't mind having sex with me. I am so confused. My question is, is this normal? Am I actually bisexual or do I just think I am because there doesn't seem to be a girl that wants me?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2012): I'm 21 and went through something similar. Still being a virgin and using pornography as an outlet, I drifted through various phases... At one point, typical "lads mags" stuff with glamor models or celebrities in their underwear was enough. Then they had to be topless. Then fully nude. Then I found a porn DVD, and was disgusted by it first time around, but a while later standard porn was what I'd want. Then kinkier stuff. Then I swung towards candid photos of girls my age in the real world, those sort of photos they take on a girls night in if you know what I mean. Always female-centric though, I never felt attraction to men or the idea of gay sex. Lonely and down on myself in terms of sexuality, I spent a good while moving onto the idea of getting an escort. I went as far as booking a little known but very attractive porn star, but blew it by being indecisive in the e-mails arranging the event. I tried booking escorts again, but always chickened out at the last minute. Still, lonely, a virgin, but heterosexual in every way.The sexuality question arose when I realized I was intimidated by the idea of sleeping with women... and upon seeing a section for cross-dressers on the site I was on, realized I didn't feel those fears about men. I guess I got curious. But only cross-dressers. So I booked one. And they arrived at my flat. the problem was they weren't dressed at all, so it was a masculine guy standing there. I cancelled the appointment and paid him to leave. Still, a seed had been planted.My porn habits remained female-centric, but they eventually got to a stage where I'd watch lots of "feminisation hypnosis" stuff. That is, lots of clips of sexy women doing sexual things, but framed around a hypnotic message of "be LIKE these women, do what they're doing". With no female connections in real life, the idea that acting like a woman sexually, as in being a bottom in a gay sexual encounter, sort of filled my desire for women but got around my fear of actually being with them. So, I've tried sex with two guys now.Here's the thing. Each time, and I've done it four times now, the idea would turn me on... Then in execution, it did very little for me. I'm NOT attracted to men. I can't say I'm fully heterosexual now, cos I'm clearly not, but I might describe myself as heteroromantic. I doubt I'll try sex with a guy again, because I'm now sure it doesn't do anything for me. I generally get bored and wish they'd hurry up and go during the actual encounters.Now, if you're attracted to men, you geniunely find the guys themselves hot, then you might be bisexual and you can experiment. But even if you do experiment and it's not for you, take it from me, it won't matter. You'll know, the fantasy will be gone (or at least the urge to act out on it) and you'll have one less distraction preventing you from looking at your underlying issues and just attempting to actually engage with women.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2012): Yes completely normal .our situation is completely the same ... i think we should be friends and comunicate .nd grt to know each other a bit more
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (22 June 2012):
 Bi-curious is normal
straight men watching gay porn is NORMAL
wanting to experiment at your age is normal
in fact, everything you are feeling is NORMAL.
personally I think that our sexual orientation is a lot more fluid for most than we admit...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2012): I used to feel the same as you, and met a girl (I'm female) and I still wasn't sure how I felt then a guy came a long and I was still confused at first but now I know I only like woman, so no one can really answer this question, you need to see how you feel when you have been with a male or female and don't worry your time will come
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A
female
reader, sammi star  +, writes (21 June 2012):
 Lots of people can apprecaite the same sex without being gay or bi sexual but only you know the answer to weather you actually are or not. It's natural to experiment and as long as you feel safe and comfortable in whatever you do then go ahead and explore!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2012): Yes this is completely normal. My friend has this problem to which is why I want to help you because through what he's told me this must be pretty confusing. Well basicly there are 3 things which could be happening, you are either gay, bi-sexual or bi curious like just going through a phase. But yes this is normal and I am positive it has nothing to do with you never having a relationship with a girl. I really do hope this helps :-).
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