A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I met a man via internet dating a few months ago. He seemed very nice, we got on really well and started seeing each other exclusively. We have a lot in common and I enjoy his company. He claimed on his profile that his income/standard of living was “comfortable” but since I’ve been seeing more of him I think he should have said “below average” if he was truthful because he is actually struggling. Sometimes he can’t even afford money for gas, let alone going out for dinner or a movie. I either have to pick him up and pay for whatever we’re doing, or go over to his place and then I’ve had to take along some food as well! Mostly he calls me from his office so he doesn’t have to pay for the call himself. I don’t know whether to leave him or wait and see if his situation improves – he won’t discuss his finances with me in detail yet, we’re not that close, but he has mentioned he is “going through a bad patch” and that he expects things to improve in the next few months. Recently I called him at work and was told he was not there. He later told me he hadn’t gone to work, he’d stayed home to watch a game on TV that he wanted to see. He doesn’t get paid if he doesn’t show up unless he’s sick. Seems to me to be the wrong thing to be doing if you’re trying to get on your feet financially after a “bad patch”. Am I being a sucker and getting taken for a ride?
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female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (26 March 2011):
 Perhaps he is going through a financial bad patch as many people are in this recession, and perhaps he is just old-fashioned mean skin-flint and doesn't want to pay for anything (regardless of his bank balance). I definitely think you need to stop paying for dates outside his home or at least insist on 50/50 - if you are not so close that you can discuss his finances, why does he feel it is ok to have you pay all the time? There are lots of cheap dates to be had - picnics in the park don't cost that much. Decent people would find a compromise and offer to pay some of the time. It doesn't cost that much to pay for a cheap meal now and again as a gesture does it? If you want to test this relationship then I strongly suggest you start going through a 'bad patch' too. If he loses interest when your purse strings tighten then it tells you all that you need to know about his intentions towards you.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (26 March 2011):
 Seems like you guy is either depressed or living in a fantasy world. He also doesn't seem like a very responsible guy, and well, a liar to boot. I'm pretty sure he knows that putting "below average income" in his profile would keep a LOT of decent women from answering him... That is deceit or "bending the truth".
And for him to not at least taking half the costs? No bueno.
Are you willing to be the breadwinner for the rest of your relationship? If so, then stick it out ( I don't think he will change) Or move on.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2011): well i think he is just using you sorry but this is what i think about :/
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2011): It seems he may be not being completely straight with you. Sometimes a 'bad patch' can be very much an ongoing thing. His attitude to work/money seems a bit casual and irresponsible. If that irritates you, maybe you are not cut out for each other. If you are always the one picking up the tab - that is going to wear pretty thin, as it probably has already. If you are not too bothered about him beyond enjoying his company I would end it now.
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