A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Well thank you for reading.Here it goes short version. I met a guy 3 days after his relationship ended. He has known her for 11 years, dated off and on. Now she is pregnant and broke up with him and we started dating three days after. He tells me he loves me, doesn't want to be with her but they fight all the time, he texts her every day. It's been a month now and they still argue about their relationship. He tells her that he loves me, that we are perfect together and I am hotter, then her. A few days ago she told him to make a choice that to drop me and be there for his family and son. How would I know he won't leave me? Am I a rebound? Is he using me to make her jealous?
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female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (11 August 2012):
 He has known her - been in relationship with this woman for 11 years and a mere THREE DAYS after he ended it with her you and he started dating? While he had already impregnated her?
I'm sorry, but this whole thing strikes me as sleazy.
Whether or not he stays with her, he now has a responsibility to her and the unborn child - for years to come.
You should let this particular catch go. Plenty more fish in the sea and all that!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2012): I am curious, do YOU have children? This is disturbing to me.... If HE would leave Miss 11, why wont he leave YOU... She broke up with him? 3 days later you started a relationship with him? He loves YOU?I have worked with couples and I can tell you that this is not what it seems..... He will go back to her... Thats if she is stupid enough to take this guy back... I would like to know if he is a drug user? This is behavior of a drug addict....Every relationship has a honeymoon stage that tends to last around 4 to 6 weeks.... In that time you dont see flaws and may even think you found the one..... When this stage ends he will start to realize that he made a horriable mistake that is if he is a real man.... The fact they have known eachother for 11 years tells me that there is still love there... If he was the one posting this I would tell him to not have a girlfriend... That he should be there for the mother of his child because what he is doing you cant take back.... He doesn't seem to have the maturity to be a father....Do you know why she left him? I am sorry to be so blunt but you're a rebound and from my personal as well as professional experence they do go back... If i were you I woukd get out of this relationship and find someone emotionally available...
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A
female
reader, deirdre  +, writes (8 August 2012):
did you post this question also? there are details which are the exact same http://www.dearcupid.org/question/how-could-he-just-abandon-someone-he-has.html
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A
female
reader, Candid Cally +, writes (7 August 2012):
Does your boyfriend currently use (or have recently used) drugs (like methamphetamine) that impair judgement and could make him act impulsively?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2012): He just broke up with her?
Let's be frank here.
1) He's using you to get over her
2) No relationship should start after someone just got out of one. He's using you to mask his feelings for her and get over her.
3) I have to ask this as well. It seems to me you may be emotionally unstable as well to be with a guy who just broke up and is flaunting you in frint of her.
4) I would be concerened why she left him whike she was pregnant.
We would all love to meet our prince charming but to know someone for eleven years and to love someone new is very strange to me.
Why would you wabt to date a guy who has a baby on the way and seems to be fighting with her all the time. He can't focus on you because he is still focusing on her and the baby.
I would drop him before he drops you. You're in the honeymoin stage and when that wears off he will decide to go back to gis ex girlfriend and you will be left to pick up the pieces.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (7 August 2012):
 Who knows how long before they broke up, he checked out of the relationships BUT.... If he jumped into a new relationship 3 DAYS after breaking up an old 11 year old relationship and one that PRODUCED a child..... I would be cautious, very cautious.
The fact that he seems to "flaunt" you to the ex is bad news. It SCREAMS that he isn't over her. That he wants her attention (even if it is negative).
And the fact that they were on/off all those years, would be me wonder too, when are they going to be "on" again? Specially because there now is a child.
I hope you take it REAL slow with this guy and stay out of their drama. And that you ask HIM to keep YOU out of their drama too.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (7 August 2012):
 WE can cut to the quick, here....
Yes, you ARE the "rebound" girl. Your delightful companion, there, MUST find a girl almost IMMEDIATELY after dumping Miss Eleven-years-and-pregnant in order to PROVE that he is a "manly MAN".... and YOU are the lucky girl he chose....
Stand by... because, before too long, he is going to come to his senses and DROP you, as quickly as he scooped you up.... AND he is going to run back to "Ms 11-years-and-pregnant"... and you are going to end up with not more than a few memories, AND his lies, AND the remorse that you fell for his B/S....
Good luck...
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (7 August 2012):
 She broke up with him
THREE DAYS LATER you started dating… it was an ELEVEN YEAR relationship…
He says he loves you after A MONTH but do you even believe him? I mean how in the world could he be ready to date again THREE DAYS after his love of 11 years ended it with him?
She told him to make a choice and choose between YOU and her (and she’s pregnant with his child)…. How do you know he won’t leave you? You don’t.
Are you a rebound being used to make her jealous? Possibly… the key issue is that he was in no way shape or form ready after THREE DAYS of a breakup to get into a relationship with anyone else.
If they are fighting all the time they still have lots and lots of feelings for each other. The opposite of love is not hate it’s ambivalence… I saw my ex husband all last week. He was with his new wife. We were civil and friendly but there is no hate, no animosity, no feelings at all… just that it is what it is…
Your boyfriend is still deeply involved with his “ex” gf….
You should guard your heart and tread carefully.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI agree! What other information do you need?
She all so is saying she wants to give the baby up for adoption and not put him on the birth certificate. He called her on the phone wwhen we go together and told her he had a new girlfriend.
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A
female
reader, Just Gill  +, writes (7 August 2012):
 he's using the Love word far to fast, you have only started dating and he said he love's you. He may have a different understanding of the word to you. It seems to me that there is childs play going on. He's telling his PREGNANT ex that your hotter. It's a lovely compliment for you but remember there are 2 sides to every story! If thats the way he is treating her and is easily attached. If thats how he is treating his ex, and considering their relationship is on and off, without sounding harsh he has a taste of freedom with another person and likes it. But he is still involved regardless of the consent of the ex as he can take further action if he wanted to. Most importantly are you even ready for the whole chaos of babies and ex's? give yourself space from him and explain why your doing it. If he does 'love' you then he'll understand.
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A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (7 August 2012):
 Everybody is rebounding from some sort of relationship -- if you've had a previous relationship in the past. However, your current boyfriend's 3-day lapse could indicate to me that he is indeed using you to get back at his previous girlfriend -- or it could be true love. Only time will tell if his intentions are true as there certainly aren't enough clues in your posting.
However, what I am concerned about is YOU. There were a few red flags that you should be aware of:
1) Your boyfriend loves you after about a month of going out (at least from what I gathered on your post). This could indicate to me that he is reckless with his intentions and his feelings. You are still very much in the honeymoon phase of things and you are still learning a tremendous amount about each other. Sure he may have some strong feelings for you, but love? Guys (and women) can up the emotional ante when they are desperate.
2) Why would you subject yourself to being the woman in the middle? It sounds like his ex is vengeful and is trying to dig her claws into your man. Soon enough, your boyfriend will be spending time dealing with his child and dealing with his ex when it comes to child custody. Is this guy worth the child support payments (loss of income for you) as well as having his ex in his (and your) life for the next 18 years? Let's face it, once you have a child with someone, that person is tied to you for a very long time.
Not knowing your boyfriend or what his intentions are, I think it is time for you to step back a little and really ask yourself what you are signing up for. Babies and ex's in this case don't go away and I suspect the trouble is only brewing. Once the baby is born, his life is going to change dramatically and there will be less time for you and him. Again, make sure he is worth the effort -- not all guys are.
Good luck.
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