A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been dating for 5 years, I'm 27 and he's 30. We have a good relationship, we communicate with each other and enjoy cooking and exercising together. But it's not perfect,I wouldn't be asking for advice if it were.Problems started when my boyfriend's hours at work got reduced and he began worrying about paying his bills. We haven't had sex in about three weeks now, although I sleep at his place or he sleeps at my place every Thursday-Sunday. Last weekend he went out drinking heavily with his guy friends on Friday night and on Saturday night. On Sunday I checked his cell phone and apparently he got some other girl's number on Friday night. He initiated the text messages saying,"remember me from last night? Where do you live?" She responded with something like "I'm busy." Then he says, "OK looking forward to some other time." Naturally, this hurt me tremendously. I confronted him about it and nearly broke up immediately. I asked him why he was getting other girl's numbers and wanting to meet them. He said it was not my fault, that I am a great girlfriend and he liked the attention. He said he has never physically cheated on me. But I have found numbers in his pants pockets and strange phone numbers with calls late at night when he goes out, but I had never confronted him before because I never had evidence like this.I consider this cheating and don't trust him. But I really love him and can't see myself with anyone else. He's a great guy, he loves his mom, loves me, is really sweet to me...How should I handle this? Is this something we can work through (he wants to)? Or, am I a huge sucker if I continue with this relationship?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2010): im so sorry for what your boyfriend did to you, ive went through the exact same thing with my boyfriend a few months ago! he had left his facebook logged on my computer by accident and i read a conversation he had had with another girl about meeting up and doing things they shouldnt. i was so gutted, before that everything was perfect in my eyes and i trusted him 100%. i stayed with him though because he is amazing and i love him, but i made sure that i didnt let him off!! you have to make sure he is truly sorry, tell him that the only way you can forgive him and stay with him is if he makes sacrifices and shows you how sorry he is, tell him he is on a ban from going out on the weekends for the next few weeks untill you feel you can trust him to go back out without you. tell him that this is his last chance and that you will leave him if anything like this happens again! basically i think you should stay with him but make sure your calling the shots and you tell him all the conditions of you staying with him!! ake sure he is sorry! xx good luck chick! xx
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2010): I guess the good news is that you already communicate well. You need to find out more about what's going on, but also accept what he has already said. It is quite possible he does like the attention and is being honest. You'll think, why is it that I'm not enough? This can hurt tremendously. That is why it is so important that you realize that it has nothing to do with the fact you're not enough. He is being honest by telling you this is his issue and it stems from low self-esteem in my opinion.
What you do from this point forward I cannot tell you. I suspect that snooping into texts means there is some gut feeling something isn't right or some lack of trust. That in itself will hurt any relationship.
Whatever happens remember that this isn't because you're not good enough!!!!!
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