A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I know everyone is different but do you believe in those sayings 'a leopard never changes its spots' and 'once a cheat always a cheat'?Having read these sort of replies on here many times its now happened to me.My partner has cheated on me and I think I can find it in my heart to forgive him of sorts. He has explained why it happened and without going into detail there were reasons and I was partly to blame (I didn't cheat on him BTW so it wasn't that).I want to move on and regain the trust. We both love each other very much. Do you think I am a fool to believe his promises and remorse just because I want to believe he's different cos he's my fella that I could never have imagined cheating on me?I want to try to move on and think about the future not the past but those sayings get repeated so often that I'm starting to believe them and think there's no hope that he will be faithful and that I'm a gullible little fool.
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male
reader, baddogbj  +, writes (30 January 2010):
 The whole "once a cheat always a cheat" mindset is rather childish and simplistic. Real life is more complicated than that. It is true that patterns of behavior tend to repeat themselves and that once a pattern is established it can be very difficult or impossible to break out of it BUT it is possible that the way in which your husband cheated didn't really establish a pattern and that it was a true out of character one off.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2010): A person's actions are one hundred percent their fault. We own everything we say and do. You will never be a part of someone's choice to cheat, or any choice they make. It is impossible to be at fault, even partially, when your partner cheats. Don't let your man talk you into believing you have liability for his choices and actions.
There are a lot of couples who have success in recovering from infidelity. Those couples have an agreement and a program to rebuild honesty.
I am concerned the only recovery program so far, for your man's affair is forgiveness. Your forgiveness of him does not rectify his wrongdoing. It also does not guarantee a future of honesty from your man.
You clearly still don't trust him. What evidence does he put forth to verify he has abandoned all things that led to his infidelity? If you still question his trustworthiness, it may be you both ought to make agreements about how to manage the relationship to rebuild trust.
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A
female
reader, happy24birthday +, writes (30 January 2010):
 You said you want to move on and regain the trust. Do that and try not to think or worry about what others think. YOU are the one who is dealing with this and making choices that YOU will have to live with. You're not a fool any more than any other person in love is a fool. Altho I tend to believe that most cheaters will cheat again, I don't think it's impossible for a cheater never to cheat again. People cheat for various reasons, and I think those reasons are very influential in a person deciding to do it again or not. I think it's wonderful, actually, that you love each other so much that you're willing to get past this. Not many people can do that, and I commend you for it. Don't look back and best of luck!
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A
female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (30 January 2010):
 My ex partner cheated... I always believed that I would throw out an unfaithful man. But when it happened to me, we talked, I cried, and I finally realised, as you said, that it was partly my fault and some of my behaviour that led to it. I took responsibility for my part in pushing him away, but it took a long time for me to feel loved and secure and trust him again. Took me four years, and in that time he was the perfect man, treated me like a special princess, and melted my heart completely...
Stayed together for 14 years after that and finally broke up due to something else...
People like to make up silly rules, but rules keep you in fear and frightened off change. People aint Lepoards and they don't have spots. People are individuals and depending on the people involved and the circumstances that led to the affair, then people can not only be faithful for life, but they can change their attitude and make you happy that you forgave them. Forgiveness is hard, but if he's worth it, and you believe him, then why not? I did, and it was the best decision I ever made.
Many women forgive their partners and are rewarded with lifelong faithfulness, just as many people go on to cheat again.
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