A
male
age
30-35,
*manmcc
writes:My first love who i met at 14 broke up with me at age 22. Our relationship was magical it really was. we were best friends even after 8 years being able to keep the magic that long is unique in my opinion. we had plans of marrige and kids and all of that. Im gonna try and be brief. I know if i had met her when i was older we would get married and have an amazingly happy life. but she developed a crush on someone and couldnt shake it. this guy is a guy who can say all the right words but i know i am way better partner and man than him. so i really hope this doesnt come off as me having low self esteem because i feel very proud of who i am. I think shes going through some kind of phase or something because she missed out on her single life through her teens. i really love this girl beyond words. We were eachothers first sex partners and now im pretty sure if she ever did return(which is higher chance than most) knowing she was with someone else sexually is definitly going to hurt. i may be able to get past it but im not going to worry about it until the time comes. Guys, just really know this girl is special im not just saying that because im attached to her and cant look past the faults we really had something amazing. Anyways she is emotinally immature and is definitly rebounding with this guy she has a crush on i know she still has feelings for me even though they are together(facebook status and everything lol sigh) am i a fool for feeling bad for her that she is confused? i hate the thought of being her backup partner but i also believe humans just make mistakes as well. i am moving on now but cant help but have this feeling that we really were meant for eachother but just met too early in life. What are your thoughts on this? am i just a fool? or do you think im not entirely crazy for hoping she comes back. also i am not a pushover if she did want to come back i would make sure she was ready. i would take it super slow and keep my guard up and make her be single for a while so i knew she wouldnt do it to me again or go back to this goof ball lol sorry. advice?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2012): I know you think you are being the better man by being able to forgive her and take her back after her mistakes. But someday you may look back on this and think you were wrong.
You would be the better man to respect yourself and not be her backup man. This means - YOU GO OUT WITH, INCLUDING SLEEPING WITH, OTHER GIRLS. SOON. DO NOT WAIT FOR HER.
If you wait faithfully for her, she won't someday love and respect you even more for waiting for her and being there to forgive her. She will see you as a reliable (read: boring) guy that she doesn't have the same passion about as the ones she had to work harder to get and keep.
You waiting for her is not being strong, it's being weak. It's easier to keep believing that she will be "the one" for you than to face the fact that you and her are probably over in the long run. You need to move on. It's no fault of your own but you need to face it. If you wait around for her things will never be like they were and you may very well never get her back at all. I am not telling you what you want to hear but this is the hard truth of the matter.
A
female
reader, Starlights  +, writes (1 March 2012):
 I talk from personal experience so if i come across as "hard" i dont mean too, i just want to help you address these issues :)
so here we go ;)
You cant say that if you met her when she was older you would have had led a happy life, she may still have developed a crush on someone else
regardless of any age she is at.
People can cheat at any age.
Making excuses by saying she only had you as a boyfriend from a young age (is the main reason why she developed a crush on someone else) is not valid excuse either.
Because many people i know have only ever had one partner and remained together and got married and had kids.
You may have had an amazing relationship from your viewpoint, but it was not amazing from her viewpoint , and not enough for her to stay with you.
(I am sorry i have to put it bluntly, because some things are what they are. And this is sense to say this)
As for her coming back, even if she did come back,
could you trust her again?
-she already left you and had a crush for someone else, and if she came back back, could you trust her never to leave your side for the next flesh that comes along and she develops a crush on?
this is a big question you must only answer yourself.
Trust and alot of love is the key to a happy relationship.
Also if she did come back its likely she would have had sex with this other guy she is with, so that too is something you need to forgive and forget.
That isnt a easy task either but it can be done.
Yes people do make mistakes, however by your words i can clearly see this girl may be confused but she has let you
( a good man go) that was her choice,
but just because she is confused or whatever is no excuse for her behavior.
Dont you think you deserve someone who wont drop you to chase a crush?
Dont you deserve someone you can trust whole heartedly to not stab you in the back?
Your not a goofball, your not a fool.
Your a good guy who is caring with an open heart.
That is not foolish but an admirable trait.
My advice then is
-accept this is over and not hope she comes back.
- Because if she was the RIGHT lady for you she would never have left you the way she did there is no excuses for what she has done by ditching you for another guy.
Yes people make mistakes, forgive them and let them and yourself move on. If it was meant to be it would have worked out.
As you say you are proud to be who you are, i think that in no time you will find someone else attracted to you who is deserving of your loving nature. But first close this case.
I wish you the best and hope this helps!
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