A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Here's my story.I did have sex until I was 25 with a girl who I had pined over for a LONG time. We then had a 2 year relationship which started off great- both in love, it wasn't just physical I think we clicked quite well. Going into the second year the cracks were appearing, and just after two years she ended it.Anyway, I had been a blind idiot, she had been sleeping around behind my back from as far back as roughly 6 months after we first got together. A month after the break up I came to clearly see (through my own private investigating) that she was in fact a serial cheat, and it had most likely started to get back at me for something, as certain girls often do. She had a new guy too, that was that.A bit about the relationship we had- we were both in love at one point, but after a period of time, we began to grow bored of each other. I still loved her but it was not as it used to be, and she told me the same. Also I treated her pretty crappy, by that I mean just not making an effort. It was my first long term thing so I did not really have a clue.It ended around a year ago. We were going to go meet for a drink around two months after the breakup, no doubt she agreed just to ease her guilt, but I let the cat out of the bag about me knowing the truth. She denied it all and I guess now would be very cautious of ever meeting again, because she would prob think I'd have it in for her. Which I of course do, to a point. In the past she let it known that she liked to stay on good terms with ex's, chumps who no doubt did not find out they were cheated on, and she has also pretty much had sexual contact with them all since ending things.Anyway, you get the idea of what type of girl we're talking about. Though you wouldn't think it to talk to her though. The image she projects to the world is of all the morals she wishes she had.Soooooo..... in the year since the break up I wised up, and started going out again. I seem to be doing ok as I have slept with a number of hot girls this year, most of them more attractive than my ex. I've thought about dating a few of them, but there was not too much common ground... they don't read books or like good films, and I never talked to them about their personal views, heh.The problem is I am still thinking about my ex/ wanting to see her. I thought I was totally over it, and just put it down to a learning experience in life, I still think I am over it. I read a really cool book about spirituality which killed all that stuff, but recently as it approaches a year since the break up I find myself thinking about her everyday. It's getting pretty annoying. It's mostly sexual thoughts, and a desire to fix a relationship with a girl who I know is a serial cheat. I still care for her and have pretty strong feelings, it's like a bug in my brain I can't un-program. I don't doubt that if I could put her mind at ease, I could arose her interest/ get her into bed in the future. Also I'm pretty liberal and I would not be totally against an open relationship because I don't think she can be monogamous. Am I a chump? Why am I thinking this stuff? I catch myself planning when would be a good point to get the ball rolling on this- sometime early next year... Is this a bad idea? ... I also wonder if she thinks of me. Arghhh
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI think I do want closure, (she dumped me over email after 2 years together and that was it) it was hard to take.
I guess I do want some revenge too, get her to like me, tell her I was not interested.. that sort of thing.
Beyond that tho, I do really care about her and would like to be with her again... just trying to make sense of these contradictory feelings. Thanx for the reply.
A
female
reader, michelleAKAmandi  +, writes (28 September 2008):
 Do you think maybe that you are merely wanting closure more so than getting back together with her, or even wanting her back to get revenge?
Just a couple of thoughts there, I know you could actually still want to be with her and/or miss her, but through some of what you say, I think you would be too angry inside for it to work if in fact you two did get back together.
...and why would you wait until early next year?
Sorry you had to experience such heartache from her.
Michelle
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