A
female
age
36-40,
*rssmith9808
writes:im almost 21yrs old.i work at a daycare center in the infant room.so im arond babies all day!of course im going to love children!i absolutely love my job,and it just makes it so hard to be around babies when i am so desperate to have my own child!!my husband is 21.we've been married almost a year now.but have been together for 5yrs.i always have my neices and nephew.i always buy stuff for them,so we know what it would be like to have our own child.but my husband always just says hes not ready yet.what does he mean?hes so good with kids,and when i see him with kids i get emotional because i just wish that was him with our child.he says we will try for a baby in january..but then when i bring up baby topics,he gets all mad and says were not having one for a while anyways so why talk about it...IM SO CONFUSED!does anyone know how to help me here? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, mrssmith9808 +, writes (29 March 2009):
mrssmith9808 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionokay well i guess i misunderstood the part about the sperm.i AM willing to wait till january..but the reason i was asking for peoples opinions is only because if i say something about kids,he says well we're not having one for a few more years anyways.so i didnt know if he was trying to tell me he doesnt want a baby in january or if he did..im just confused.and we are going to have a talk sometime soon he said so we can set a specific date to start trying...thanks!
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (29 March 2009):
I think you misunderstood my answer.
I said 1 year because you said you have been married just less than a year. Yes you have been together 5 years but he has only had you as his beautiful wife for less than 1 year.
As for the stealing sperm comment if you read it again I said: "Enjoy your husband for a while and stop making him feel like the only reason you keep him round is to steal sperm from."
I said don't make him FEEL like all you are after is his sperm. I didn't in any way say you WERE trying to.
You say you are happy to compromise and wait till Jan, but if that was true, you would not be talking about it to him and making him angry, and you would not be on here asking for help.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, mrssmith9808 +, writes (29 March 2009):
mrssmith9808 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you for your answers..but to the person who replied saying im just wanting to steal sperm from him..youve got it all wrong!im willing to wait till january.and i love spending time with him.i know im young.but im NOT STUPID!and we've been together for 5yrs so idk how you came up with 1yr of being together.but yes marriage is about talking and areeing on things as a couple..not just one persons decision.and i would NEVER trick him and purposely get pregnant because i know he would be so mad at me and probably leave.thanks everyone!
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2009): My husband used to say that he didn't want to share me and wanted me on my own. I too wanted a baby and basically tricked him into having one as I wouldn't wait any longer. He was not happy and eventually left me. My point is it is best to go with his decision. January is so near and then he will be happy when you become pregnant. I know the urge to have a child is all consuming because I have been there but listen to what he says. I also understand that it is basically all you want to talk about and plan and buy things for the future but this will just annoy your husband so if you can keep the talk for your family and girlfrinds. Men are funny creatures and don't like being pushed into situations or things. Make the most of the child free time you have together. Good luck
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (29 March 2009):
Having a child that you can buy gifts for and then hand back is not nearly the same as having one that bites your nipples and will NOT stop crying at 4am when you have to be at work at 8.
Your husband probably likes the idea of having money, being able to go out, having a nice house without baby stuff everywhere. He may want to go on holiday with you. He may actually like spending time with you and loving you as you are.
You are aware that as soon as you get pregnant, he will never have you to himself EVER again? No more sleep ins, no more spontaneous nights out, the child will always ALWAYS come first. Plus when you get pregnant, all anyone will EVER talk to him and you about is babies. And that gets REALLY boring.
He's only had you with your hot bikini body for a year. He has even said that in January next year you can start trying and he'll be happy.
You can't really blame him for snapping when all you say to him is "but that's not good enough I want one now, I want one now, I want one now, I'm sick of you and want a baby instead."
If you know that he is going to be behind you 100% next year, then why keep nagging at him just to save you a few months?
Enjoying having a stretch mark free body and go on a big expensive holiday. Enjoy being able to go out till 2am and have long lie ins and lovely sleep. Enjoy being able to drink and have fun. Enjoy your husband for a while and stop making him feel like the only reason you keep him round is to steal sperm from.
Good Luck!! xx
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2009): I think that it's possible that your husband might be considering a few things that his decision is a result of. One being that 21 is a young age, perhaps he would like to enjoy some life with you while not constantly tending to a child. Two being that the economy is absolute crap. A child is a major responsibility. Duh, right? Well, it is. Yes, you spend a lot of time with children, but you eventually leave them as some point in the day. Buying gifts for your nieces or nephews does to qualify you truly know what it would be like to have a child of your own, seeing that you too leave them at some point. You do not provide for them on a regular basis, 24/7. Talk to you husband about it, ask him where he's coming from. Get an idea of when he is looking forward to having a child. You must come to some sort of agreement. After all, isn't that what marriage is all about?
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