A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfrind has very demanding job which means he has to travel alot. when we r together all we seem to do is argue. I want to know if its work that is our problem or if its something deeper. we had an arguemnt the other day that culminated in the 'lets breakup and u move out conversation. it didnt happen but I am tired of all the fights and need to know if i could stick with it or move on?
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male
reader, Tommy7  +, writes (10 October 2007):
His time away from the job should be pleasant for him. Unless he has treatable depression you need to get out.
A
female
reader, Sugarbuns  +, writes (9 October 2007):
 I think all couples argue and fight pretty frequently, but what you have to ask yourself, is WHAT are you fighting about? Perhaps what's at the root of all these fights, is your lack of time together which will eventually erode a relationship down to nothing. Reducing your fights or at least, learning when and how to fight, comes from being around each other, learning behaviors, triggers, and also how to heal from your battles. It could be that the amount of time you're apart is starting to take its toll on your relationship.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2007): What are you both arguing about? Is it just petty stuff? Is he stressed over his job? I think really looking at 'what' you are arguing about and saying 'is it really worth the stress' is the first realization. But do understand that there is no such thing as a relationship, without some conflict or arguing. Excessive arguing is another thing though. It damages relationships especially when there is no resolution. Hurt feelings fester and grow inside a person. Sometimes, simply strong people with strong personalities can lock horns. These couples tend to turn a seemingly good relationship into a competition to see who can one-up the other. It becomes a clash of egos and stubborn dispositions.. So in order for the relationship to work, one of you has to realize this is the problem, and make the other aware of that. So the both of you can work toward some resolve.
I'm not sure what is causing your arguing but it does sound like you and your bf are stuck and it's serious. You both cannot effectively disagree and find solutions. A change in perspective will help. Blaming is hurtful to the relationship. So my advice? Both of you have to stop blaming. Don't blame; take responsibility for yourselves and what you say in this argument. Blaming puts both of you in defensive positions. Don't tell your partner that they are wrong. If you do, you can be assured that the "wrong" partner will fight even harder to prove that they are right. Most importantly, listen. Try to put yourself in your partner's shoes and make an effort to understand how they feels. Don’t sit there and prepare your argument/rebuttal while your partner talks. Instead, try to work on accepting what your partner is really saying. Really, really listen. Remember, just because you have differing perspectives doesn’t make one of you right and the other one wrong. You both just need to learn to deal with conflict effectively in a mature manner. These suggestions sound easy but in reality, they are difficult to put into practice. It takes constant effort maturity and discipline and an absolute determination to 'want' to make your relationship work.
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A
female
reader, love-him +, writes (9 October 2007):
 Oh and also, about the arguments, we are like that too, argue most times we eventually see each other.. but you learn to get past them.. x
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A
female
reader, love-him +, writes (9 October 2007):
Hi babe, i COMPLETLY understand what you mean. Honestly i do, i have been with my boyfriend for 17months, and i see him (if im lucky) once a week and sometimes it has got as bad as once a month. He lives just 10 mins away however his job is extremily demanding like your boyfriends. I have stuck with him for this long, and i really believe it will calm down, which it does, sometimes i will see him every day, when work isnt that bad. If you believe in a future with this guy, then stay with him, you can do it, just make sure you keep in contact with him, via phone, maybe send him some pics etc.. I wish you all the luck in the world, as i know how hard it can be,
Mail me if you would like to talk x
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A
female
reader, TELLULAH +, writes (9 October 2007):
 Hi,
All relationships have thier problems, and with the added work load your B/F is probably feeling the presure.
You dont seem very suportive of him in your post, although its hard to tell because you dont give many details. i.e: is it permanant that he will do this, or are you saving for a house or a holiday, and its getting you down.
The best thing to do is to talk to him without an argument. Let him know this is efecting you, and how upset you are. Maybe he can give you a time limit on how long he will carry on working like this.
No one can tell you to stick around or not, but it does seem a bit harsh to leave the guy because he works hard.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2007): If you truly love him and deep down you have strong feelings for him, stick it out. The question is how much energy do you have in you, are you willing to use it for the better of the relationship. Its all up to you, just ask yourself how much you love him, and how much you want to be with him. Ive had many many arguments with my gf, but we talked about it and the arguments went away. Just so you know, both sides have to make a sacrifice for each other to make this work!
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