A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:No sure how to start this off. I'll try to keep it short. Met a man 4 years ag. Dated for 2 and then got engaged. Started to plan life together..house and all. Soon as we moved in together he became increasingly controlling and paranoid about any and everything I did and said. He was so suspicios all of the time, He used to go through all of my things, check time stamps on receipts, my clothing, etc. I started to suffer big time. Emotional and verbal abuse but in insidious ways. I felt like i was having a breakdown and I believe I actually did to some point. He was told he had to vacate the house. He was seriously underemployed, smoking weed all the time which prevented his getting a better job, I was carying the finacial load. This man came from an abusive home, has no real relationship with family, etc. I gave him everything I had. I loved him to death. Anyhow, I felt that even though I loved him I had to go on without him..that he was too damaging to my emotional wellbeing. I told him to leave me alone etc. He never did..he was very very pushy and determined for us to be back together. All his words, his i love yous, youre the only woman I wants got me to go back with him...THEN, his old behaviors would pop up again and I would leave him again...and again and again. I have struggled greatly to stay out of this relationship but something brings me back to him time after time. I d want to note that I chose to go to therapy for myself to try and get past this as well as help rebuild my sense of self. I always had OK self esteem, but he crushed it all. I cant explain how devastating it was. So, I would try to stay away from him, he would constantly show up, say everything right, or make me feel so guilty about leaving him or other things and I would go back. I am currently "back" with him again, though it is well hidden from family and friends. I am ashamed. (They know how bad it was and they know everything that he said and did to me. Yes, I know, that is why I am in T.) Anyhow, when I would give him "another chance" I still never really trusted him with me, my emotional wellbeing. Like I said, he would do something or say something that clearly shows the way he thinks or be covertly abusive in his remarks, and i would tell him to leave me alone. I would try to get on with my life but he never goes away, and I mean that literally. Soooo, then I would get sucked back in only to find out while he was trying to get me back and telling me that I am the only one, that he wants no one else, that I am the love of his life, making me feel bad abou soemthing, etc, he was meeting women on he internet and dating and there is some sex that I found out about by snooping. Now, someone please tell me if I am wrong or not, but it is my opinion that you dont tell someone you love them, bombard thm with emails and texts, show up where they are begging for forgivness and an opportunity to talk, say or do something to make that person feel for you enough to give it another whirl, and all the while be in the internet trolling for women "in case" I didnt give him another chance. AM I WRONG? The whole situation is dysfunctional, I know this already. Is almost like I feel so bad for this person, but he also makes me feel fear and obligation towards him. I cant explain the manipulations, BUT there is part of me that believes that he does love me. I know, sick. I try to stay away but when I do, he makes day to day for me hostile. I never know where he is at or if he is watching me. I guess he kind of scares me too. BUT, my main thing to say is hat I am so hurt by this man. I did everything I could for him because I loved him, and I did A LOT..way more than I ever in my life should have...(hindsight) but to find out that even though he "loved me so much" and was trying to get back with me he was dating online???? It is the final slap in the face. I confronted him on it once and he said "you told me to leave you alone...we werent together"..... but all the while he was making me believe I was the one he wanted and he was working on his problems. What is your opinion of all of this, besides there must be something wrong with me? Typing it all out I can see where you might think I am a headcase, but I am not. I have never in my 38 years came across an individual like this..someone who has some type of control over me. I swear I used to be a much stronger person thatn this...
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