A
female
age
30-35,
*helsea_Love
writes:Hello there,I've been with my boyfriend for a year almost (like in two weeks we've been together a full 12 months) and I am smitten with him. When things are good they are 'perfect', he adores me, buys me everything, spends time with me, loves me, we're the 'perfect' couple, the envy of all our friends, and he has slowly become not only my boyfriend, but my best friend. I'm not religious, I'm 18, and he's almost 20. People may call me immature with this, and say "you're only a child" maybe so, but this is more than just a 2 month relationship. We genuinely love each other, and we both have never cheated. The only problem we are having is our sex life. We live with his parents, 6 year old sister, and two brothers (12 and 18) we never have any privacy, and I understand why he struggles sometimes. Sex, is something I've always been good at shall we say, never had trouble turning a guy on either. Where as my boyfriend, I'm only just figuring him out. He has Dyspraxia, he is distracted easily but on going noises in the house, but last night we we're making love and afterwards he admitted he sometimes has trouble staying focused and zones out from time to time, this is the same as when you're trying to talk to him. It took us 10 months to have sex for the first time, he often struggles getting an erection, (he can be in the mood but his penis won't get erect) or if he has an erection, we have to act fast or else he loses it. Yet sometimes, it's completely fine.I'm started to doubt my role as his girlfriend, I feel unattractive, and that he doesn't want me to be with him anymore, yet when I've told him this and tried talking to him, he's sat in tears telling me he needs me, and he loves me, he's sorry, he doesn't know why this is happening etc. But yet if I ask him nicely and tell him "I'm not going to leave you" he claims he doesn't know and then gets all upset, which clearly says he's worried, or defensive about it. I don't know what to do with him at all, do I take him to the doctors, do you think he isn't all that interested in me, do you think something's wrong. Because although we do adore each other deeply, the intimacy isn't there, and I believe you need intimacy in a relationship to make it work.I'm scared that it's me that's the problem, or failing that he doesn't really love me, even though my gut instinct, and all the signs tell me he does. It's driving me mad.
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best friend, erection, immature, in the mood, sex life Reply to this Question
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female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (25 March 2012):
 It takes one visual stimuli to turn a man on and there could be 100 other things to make him lose an erection, and the problem is not you. Living with many people in the house does not help. Porn stars do lose erection and when that happens they cut it and play the parts only when he's hard. Men have so much pressure to perform and to stay hard all the time. Have you ever thought that maybe he is normal after all and it could hurt him a lot to suggest that he has a problem? The pressure to perform can actually exercerbate things. The irrational fear of losing one's manhood, the pressure to please a woman is a reason men flock to use viagra, even when they are healthy and there is nothing wrong. What you can do is focus on the sensations, focus on the love, and not the outcome, the hardness, the orgasms. When a person can't relax it becomes an endless cycle of failure.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2012): Good Morning,
My fiance use to have a similar problem. He had to try to stay focused on the moment, otherwise he would start to worry or think about random things, not like other woman or anything, but for example, is he getting too hot, he has to pass gas, random stuff like that. And he was also diagnosed with high blood pressure which also caused issues with getting and keeping an erection. Once we got his blood pressure undercontrol and I talked to him about staying relaxed and just focusing on what's going on between him and I.....let's just say we've had no problems. It's not you honey, just be there for him, tell him you want to understand you're there to help him find ways to get past this. Good luck.
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