A
male
age
30-35,
*EP
writes:This isn't really about relationships, but it kind of does.All my life i've felt like something was wrong with me, and the more I think about it, the more i realize that I'm a loser, I'm a pathetic loser and nothing I do seems right, I know that Facebook isn't where I should base my life in, but everytime I post a comment that actually is worth talking about, I get one comment, and I see other people getting tons and I think to myself "what on earth is wrong with me??", and when I try to post a joke that wouldn't offend anyone, on someone else's post (Someone who always gets comments), not a single person comments on that post, I feel like I ruin everything I touch, like I shouldn't have been born!! if it wasn't for my girlfriend (who doesn't even comfort me when I hurt) I would've killed myself by now!! i don't know what to do, I'm extremely personable, but all of my "friends" (not facebook friends) make plans with me, they always cancel the last minute, or they never make sure that we're still hanging out and I'm left alone in my room crying because....no one wants to spend time with me, my girlfriend doesn't include me in her life....I don't understand what I'm doing wrong....I just want to exist and have people appreciate me....I have a job where I have to be personable, and when a young attractive young woman leaves the store, I say "thank you ma'am, have a good day" and she rolls her eyes at me or doesn't even look at me, this is most young ladies....I feel like I'm cursed....like I'll always be this way....someone please tell me what I can do to be better..to fix myself..
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female
reader, michy_3191 +, writes (11 December 2012):
 Dear CEP, Feeling hopeless, or forgotten, maybe even how you give us miss-interpret things, there are different stages of depression, each one identifying the seriousness of the stages. Each personal idea you have towards your own emotions, does not mean you’re crazy. Just means you are in a deep in a hole needing assistance, recognizing how this, can affect you now, and later on in life. Your mood and lack of self-confidence is a sign of depression, one of three stages. Everyone goes through depression, at least once in their lives. In the book of ‘The Secret Strength of Depression’ by Frederic F. Flach, M.D, Flach states, “People who feel that they are “failures”, “worthless”, “ineffective”, “undeserving”, are often depressed. Finally, there is the subjective experience of the depression-how the person perceives what he is feeling” (56). I suggest doing what I did, when I first noticed the signs of depression, attempt to look at all things around you and look or try something you love to do maybe a hobby, sport, or maybe an extra-curricular activity that will make you happy. This will become later your escape goat in which takes you out of your misery. I can see you have difficulties making decisions whether it's with friends, or with your girlfriend, this isn't healthy, which brings me to my first point: difficulties on decision making are considered changes in which result in depression. In the book 'The Secret Strength of Depression' by Federick F. Flach, M.D.,Flach states, "There are other changes that result from being depressed and that can serve as important clues. Difficulty in making decisions that otherwise could be made with little effort, problems with concentration, and a marked tendency to put things off are common. The depressed person may find it more difficult to write and read, but this is often rationalized as a loss of interest" (58). This might be an issue that you might face, it's a common issue, and it is also fixable. You should be more confident, focused, and secure of who you are, and whom you want to be from now on. Question yourself not your surroundings, by questioning yourself you can acquire some personal issues, in which you can determine to be serious, or minimal and fixable. You are worthy, sometimes our denial, and our blindness from depression causes us to push away our loved ones, sometimes you aren't the only person to get hurt, but your surroundings watching you go dig deeper into the hole. A tendency that you seem to be obsessed with as far as, what people think of you seems to be, a form of expression, and a form in which you are calling for attention, although you don't know how to embrace it. Just because no one gives you personal feedback on social networking sites, does not mean no one cares for you, yet you continue to attempt to get a response in which you already know you won't receive any feedback from previous times. You base your personal life around these social networking sites, but do you understand why? I do, because you do have hope, you haven't given up, you do care, although you think you don't your actions act and say more than just your words. This is why I know that you are soft, and truly care about bettering yourself. I will tell you why it's bad to be depending on these social networking sites for attention, I had a friend her name was Chantelle, she was a freshman at the time, this was back when Myspace was popular, she felt the same way you did, and posted various comments to attempt to get a response, one day, she posted her boyfriend left her she didn't want to live anymore, we all thought this is just one of her same old comments, and she's not going to do it. he next morning we go to school and we see numerous amounts of police cars, interviewing student's. She was pronounced dead, got a gun and shot herself, we all thought this is just another post from her. So, my point being be careful with what types of post you put up, because people see them, but you feeling this way, can get worst if you don't treat it in which may result in suicide, maybe this might happen, maybe it might not, but at least you understand it from my perspective. Sometimes the people that are the closest you, can be the one's getting hurt the most. We may not understand it. It's typical of us to not to see it , especially when you’re the one that's having miss-interpretations, and feeling blue. I grew up with a sister that has depression, she's suffered from it all her life, some times I watched her cut herself, smoke and burn her arms, sometimes even had to deal with her harassing me by stating she hated me, or even neglecting me. I wouldn't understand why, all I knew was that she was depressed, no one told me why she was acting that way, nor why it was happening to me. All I knew was that I was the one getting hurt, yet I couldn't tell her anything, because then I'd feel worst, and she would begin to blame herself, and harm herself. I wouldn't be able to stand sight of it. This might be a reason why your girlfriend doesn't comfort you when your feeling down, and that's because she might not understand how to comfort you, due to miss-communication. You are better than that, if you could fix your problems first, and then you would be able to know how other's felt being on the other side. I'm not sure about what your girlfriend might do, but I do know this might be a reason why she has not included you in her life anymore. In the book, 'The Secret Strength of Depression' by Federick F. Flach, M.D.,Flach asserts, " Depressive moods are often suppressed or blocked out because most people would like to sustain a feeling of euphoria as much of time as possible. Thus depression, being painful, is frequently denied"(54). Depression is very common but there are different stages of depression some that can be un-harming, and fixable, and other's that could be extremes, and lead to unforeseen circumstances. Try to talk to our girlfriend, and talk things out, the best way to have a long lasting relationship is always through communication. Concluding this, Depression is a form of emotion in which gives us an illusion of sympathetic, and physical if not mental traumas that we face. No one is cursed, it's a notion of thought in which you have created for yourself, you must embrace it, so you would be in terms to go ahead and better yourself.If you believe that you are still not able to get through these problems, then I would recommend you to consult a psychiatrist. Life is full of wonder's, full of excitement, but it's up to us to choose whether or not we want to go out there and do it. One should always be happy, or at least stay positive, and not be so pessimistic. Out of every bad thing that may occur in our lifetime, there is always a good outcome. Bil Keane once said, "Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift of God, which is why we call it the present”, this is truly something to go by, because although we all have problems, today is a gift, no matter what anyone says. You are better than to be thinking so negatively, about life. You can overcome anything you set your mind to. Don't think about what other's say about you, it might stress you out, attempt to take a step back, and rethink things through so you could make sure your making a right choice. Take care, and make sure to be careful, and not care what others say about you.
A
male
reader, HenryOh  +, writes (11 December 2012):
Dear CEP, The feeling of loneliness is the worse feeling that you can ever encounter. It seems to me that you don’t get much attention from the people you would want so you’re insecure of whom you really are. We all want attention from someone; it lets us know that we are recognized by at least one person. Sometimes it feels like love isn’t around, the ones who tell you they will be there but are nowhere near when you feel sad and down. I’ve been through your pain and by reading your post it seems to me like you have depression. It’s true we all have our bad days but clinical depression is not about being sad, it’s actually a mood disorder that makes you sad, frustrated and even angry. While depressed you can’t do much and the feeling of hopelessness is the only thing you think you can feel. I hope to give you some pointers to help you get out of this hole you think you’re in. Social networking is a big thing in our generation and there are many people who us things like social networking to find the attention they want. Facebook was made to interact with other people around the world and keep in contact with friends and family. Now it’s used by a lot of people to become “facebook famous”, but in the end those people don’t have anyone or just get the wrong type of attention. You shouldn’t pay attention to such things getting likes and a comment doesn’t make you a better person than the next. What you should do is deactivate your facebook and never pay attention to it again, you shouldn’t worry about facebook friends, real friends are always around and don’t have to be “online” to reach them. Making friends is a perk of living and experiencing life. Having a couple of people around that you can share your day with is always a nice thing but friends aren’t so easy to spot. A friend isn’t a person who just hi or bye to you in school or someone who you hardly talk to, a friend is someone who will be around despite what you’re going through. You can’t really consider your friends “friends” if they always cancel with you or are never there for you. But there is another thing that could be happening which is common with people who have depression and it’s that you’re friends can’t handle you no more. Many people aren’t emotionally prepared for a person who has depression, so telling your friends over and over about your problems is a bad thing. Which is why I believe your girlfriend isn’t around, even though I personally wouldn’t consider her my girl if she doesn’t comfort me in the times I need someone. What I recommend to you is that you walk away from any unnecessary relationships you have, if you’re friends and girlfriend aren’t around when you need them then they’re really not your friends. Another big part of our social life is at work. Not only do you deal with other people doing the same job as you but if you work in some type of costumer service you will encounter some difficult people. There some jobs that ask you to be courteous and helpful to customers but you are usually not appreciated for that but it happens to everyone. You shouldn’t be worried about strangers, just do your job and take whatever reaction they give you. You can’t please everyone so just do the best you can. Sometimes the way you say things or approach them can be misinterpreted by others so when someone rolls there eyes at you it’s because they feel uncomfortable or just don’t care. My advice to you is that you do your job and beautiful or not just say “Have a good day” and how the response to it is up to them, don’t let it bother you Life is beautiful thing, a privilege we have in this world. We humans tend to focus on such small things that one day will never matter so we over complicate everything and we loose the real purpose of why we are living our lives. You want to be appreciated and recognized by others as a good person, you want somebody who will be for you, it’s something we all want but we don’t always get. Best advice I can give you is to accept yourself and who you are, I’ve been through most of the things you post up. It never was easy for me either but in the end I am who I am because it’s who I’ve made myself to be, the best person you can ever talk to and get advice from is YOURSELF. If you love yourself and accept who you are, people start seeing that and they treat you how you want to be treated. Don’t waster your time on caring what others have to say, one day you will move on from social networking and get a different job, those are just people you meet along the way and best believe they are hurting inside one way or another. Drop every person in your life that brings you down or just doesn’t care about you, life is to precious to waste time so why stay around such bad vibes. Nobody will ever have the power to change another person because we already have the will to change we just have to search for it and start again. Distance yourself away from bad situations and always remember to smile because tomorrow may never come and it will be on you if you miss out on life and everything it can bring to you. If you can’t seem to snap out of it, I suggest you look for a therapist or a doctor who could explain clinical depression and the symptoms; you could get treatment for it as well.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2012): Dear,
Everyone wish to be admired by others. Not many of us enjoy being isolated or neglected by someone else especially from our friends or loved one. The neglect from others will
depress and frustrate us a lot. However, the reason that people been ignored by surrounding is due to our self-behavior. Sometimes, we are not aware of the way we behave will be disliked by others. They may feel annoyed with our behavior which is unattractive. From your words, we know that you are suffering with depression. You are frustrated in your works, friends, and in the social network. At this moment, you are inferior in your social life and you feel helpless. Meanwhile, you are having problem with your girlfriend. According to Rich Klasco, M.D. FACEP, the “feelings of sadness, hopelessness, helplessness or inadequacy” and also the “problems interacting with loved ones, irritability and mood changes” are the symptoms of mood disorder. So, we do have to face your problem seriously and find out the solution to solve it.
In your words, you are vetoing yourself. You keep repeating the words that not supporting yourself or even blaming yourself like “I’m a pathetic loser”, “What on earth is wrong with me?” and so on. No one is willing to have these negative thinking and I believe that you do not mean too. We always try to get over our bad mood when we faced difficultly or depression and Dr. Grant Mullen states, “When the control center is functioning well, mood will
always return to the normal range (eventually) regardless of the degree of negative or positive stress in life.”. The author of “Depression Sourcebook”, Brain Quinn believes that if you are unable to get over the bad mood, “learning a new way to think about yourself and your future” (10) is needed. Instead of saying that “nothing I do seems right”, try to think as “the things I do is too hard for you to understand.”
No one comment your post in Facebook is not a big deal. It does not mean that you ruining up all the things. You sound like too reliable to social network. People who associate with social-dependent personality have a huge changes in their self-esteem because they are too importance to what people think or react on them. You have to try to stay away from these social networks because you are undergoing depression in social network. To overcome the depression from social, you have to change your focus from Facebook to other recreational activities like exercise.
Friends cancelled a plan last minutes and a not caring girlfriend frustrated you and you feel like you have been isolated because no one is willing to spend time with you. You feel helplessness when no one stands beside you when you are needed. Nevertheless, we have to understand that we will have a priority in minding our business first before accompany others. We cannot request others to stay with us all the time. Maybe your girlfriend does not mean leave
you alone but just that she has to be balanced between you and her own life. It is also possible that she chooses to stay away from you sometimes because you keep complaining the same problems several times. If you want to have a better relationship with your girlfriend or friends, you have to “know when to let go” the problems and “move on with your own life” (Brain Quinn 12). Stop complaining about life and stay positive.
Bad behavior is a prelude to poor self-esteem and mood disorder. If your behaviors are pushing people away, causing problems at work, and making self-unhappy, or
bring over the gloomy atmosphere all the time, eventually it will take a toll on your emotions and feelings of self-worth. You sound like undergoing setback in your job. You have mentioned that a young lady rolls her eyes at you when you are greeting her and you feel like you are cursed.
Greeting can show the respect and importance toward, yet, a frivolous or insincere wish may irritate others. It is possible that the lady shows her disrespects toward you due to your attitude while you are greeting her. She may feel uncomfortable with it. Therefore, be more polite and
sincere in your working place. Your path in your work will be more smoothly.
Try your best to change your attitude and mind. Stay positive about life. Life is still good while you are still breathing. When you can take everything easy, life is easy too. The ways I provide for you may not guarantee you to stay away from depression but at least to build up a
better relation network with others. You will more enjoy your life when you have a good relationship with others. If you really cannot get over the hardships and your depression is getting worst, I highly recommend you to get a referral from your family doctor or manage-care plan to see clinicians in private practice. That is not ashamed to seek for helps.
Take care and wish you have a joyful life.
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A
female
reader, lovebugs16 +, writes (10 December 2012):
Dear CEP,
Hopeless, forgotten, understood, invisible, lack of motivation and lack of interest are signs of depression. Depression is a serious but treatable disorder that affects all kinds of people in this world. It interferes with the everyday routine, and causes you to be miserable. Depression makes it hard for a person to connect on a deep emotional level with anyone around them. Even though you feel like the world is neglecting you as an individual, try to take a step back to see the big picture and analyze what is really going on around you.
First of all, I believe you are too reliable to social networks on the internet. Facebook is a meaningless website for people that post statuses about what they are doing on a daily basis. Not everyone is going to comment on your posts every second of the day. Try to focus more on the important things in life, and what they have to offer. The world shouldn’t revolve around what others have to say about your status. Use Facebook as a fun and entertaining way to brighten up your day and make you happy.
Secondly, having your friends cancel last minute when made plans to go out probably means that they do not want to be around someone who is always depressed. It is difficult for people to be around a depressed environment. In the article “How to Help a Person with Depression” by Louise states “People might grow weary of this conversation. Soon rejection after rejection occurs”. There are people out there that feel uncomfortable talking about certain subjects. If you are in a constant depressed mood your friends are not going to want to hang out and go places with you. Next time you make plans with your friends, try to be positive and let them see that you are not there to be depressed, only happy.
Third of all, greeting people at work and not getting a response is not a terrible thing. There are a lot of people that simply do not reply to other people’s jesters. Some people have good and bad days. Not everyone is going to be on the same level as you are. Dennis from the article “If You Know Someone Who’s Depressed” says “Try not to view someone else’s emotion as your own affliction. Don’t take the things other people say/does, personally”. You should not take things personal when it comes to costumers at work not responding to your greetings. Simply smile, and move on with your day being positive and carefree.
Lastly, suicide is a very serious matter and should not be taken lightly. If you are feeling like you do not want be on this world anymore, you should take a second look at your life and the people in it. Depression messes up your way of thinking and makes you believe that there is no other way out. It is very important to seek medical aid, especially that of a psychiatrist. The first steps might be hard, but in the long run it is a very satisfying accomplishment.
Being a depressed person is not healthy. You should try to view the world in a different way and be happy, life isn’t that bad. Try to find a friend or loved one that will be there to listen to your fears and concerns. Find someone who will protect you from self harm, or possibly death. Understand that you are worthy and important in this world like everybody else. You are not alone in this; you may not believe it now, but the way you’re feeling will change. Believe in yourself that you will find happiness and joy in this wonderful thing called life.
a href=www.mentalhealth.com/story/p52-dps2.htmlHow to Help a Person with Depression./a
a href=www.helpguide.org/mental/living_depressed_person.htmHelping a Depressed Person./a
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (28 November 2012):
 I'm sensing some underlying depression here.
I strongly recommend speaking to a mental health professional and seeing if some treatment (both cognitive and possible medication) is in order.
As for having a gf that does not include you in her life, why then do you stay with her?
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A
female
reader, Euphoric29  +, writes (28 November 2012):
Hi dear,Please stop bringing yourself down so much. Maybe you are together with the wrong kind of people who don't get you. Maybe you're sometimes a bit socially awkward? That's no reason to kill yourself, because I can promise you, it's possible to find new friends and/or get better social skills. You seem to be a sensitive and considerable person, this is something beautiful that you should appreciate about yourself. I'm sure other people will like these qualities as well.Maybe you also read too much into the occasional rejection that we all get. I've got a lot of friends on facebook, but very few like my posts. The only post that got me a lot of likes is when I posted a picture about a bad haircut when I came from the hairdresser and then one after I corrected the haircut myself. Got me almost 40 likes. All philosophical remarks, youtube videos, memes, jokes or other stuff I posted mainly gets ignored without any likes and I'm still a happy person. I agree with blonde30s that if you're unhappy with your social life, then make some effort to change it. Join another group and start building up something new. I know it's hard to do that, when I was 17 I got to a new school and had no friends there. In the beginning I spent my breaks on the toilet or in the library, I was so shy and awkward. But I started to take dancing classes and other things, and even though I didn't find friends through that, I had more stuff to talk about with other people and I became more confident. My efforts only payed off after months, but it became something really positive in my life. So, please don't lose faith in yourself. And maybe you want to talk to your girlfriend as well. Be honest about your feelings and ask her what she thinks.big hug!
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